Okay, from a guy perspective.... WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!!!!!
Unless I am reading your H wrong, he would react like me. I would get two paragraphs into it, eyes begin to cross, mind starts going, and unfortunatly I would think ' my god, she's got too much free time on her hands.'
It is time for you to pull out that classic Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book. The letter above is good for YOU, but from reading your posts, hubby sounds more like a 'show love through actions' type guy. After reading Men from mars, and possibly 5LL you might have a different outlook on showing love and affection to your H.....
That is why I am posting it here..to get help writing it. I will do some editing based on your comments. Make it more about him is what I am getting from you...and I don't know when the time will be right to send it...and yes, right now I have way too much time on my hands...hopefully I get the book assignment today or tomorrow.
I want to tell you why I still love you despite and because of all we’ve been through together. P, I still remember smiling at you from across the commons at KPC. I still remember you carrying me out of the college when I lost the baby. I remember how sad I was, and how you made me feel so secure and so loved. I remember sitting in the yard by the bonfire on warm summer nights. I remember our silly geese and our one crazy duck. I remember you loving me through alcoholism and bipolar or manic depression or whatever they want to call it. I remember you helping me when I was on the wrong medication and I was hearing things. I remember you loving me through breast cancer. I remember you shaving your head for me. I will never forget that as long as I live. Baby, that meant more than you will ever know to me. I remember thinking and knowing in my heart…this is the man God meant for me…this man will love me forever…this man is strong and good and really loves me. This man will help me. This man will stand by me until I am well and he will be my partner. He sees the good in me and he will stay until I become the person that I am meant to be. I believe that you really meant in sickness and in health and understood that with me in sickness and in health meant alcoholism and bipolar too…I love you and D and I love our life and I want to save it. I remember good periods and bad periods, P. But, I choose to think about the good periods. I remember playing croquet in the yard. I remember going clamming with M T. I remember going to A to this dance. I remember your high school reunion. I remember the second week we were in Florida. I remember holding you close to me just the other night. I remember our vacation to California. I remember that all marriages take the good with the bad and that nothing is perfect. Most importantly, I remember that I love you. I remember putting your name in every book I have written…because without you I could not have written any of them. The most important things I have ever done career wise, I owe to you. I owe you the last ten years of my entire life. Without you, P, I would not be where I am today. I remember you giving me the house of my dreams and the furniture I desired and the garden that I longed for so much. I remember you believing in me time and time again, P, and that is why I love you…because you are good, strong, loyal, handsome, capable, intelligent, caring, and you love me. P, you have helped me more than any one person in the entire world. You have been there for me when no one else has. You are steadfast and strong. You have endured my ups and downs and still loved me. P, you are the rock that has held this family together. You have been our stability. You have been our blessing from God. You have been our foundation. You have filled the husband’s role as father and provider completely and more than I could ever ask for. You have given and given and rarely taken for yourself. You are unselfish and loving and kind. I admire and love you.
No one ever loved me like that besides you. I finally know that with the medication taken correctly…and with AA and with church…and most of all with you and D, and my writing, I have all I need to be happy. I love you, P. You are the only man that I will ever love with my entire heart and soul. Please know that I realize what a good and loving man you are, Colleen
I just got back from the gym. I have a one week free membership. Am going with a girlfriend in the mornings. We go after taking sons to school. It's a great way to start the day.
Talked to my mom. Posted here. Am going to do some more work down in daylight basement. Waiting to hear from publisher.
Going out for dinner tonight with church group. Hoping to do bible study on Thursday. Thursday will take son to gym for family swim.
Ok..OK...OK>>>I do have too much time on my hands...am coming to my senses...
I am going to really try to stop even thinking about him for a while. Hopefully, I get the title assignment for this book in the next day or so and I can start working again. It's just so hard when I am not working and don't drive and am stuck in the house all the time...it sucks...pardon my language...even when I get out in the morning and get out a bit at night...I am home in between all day by myself and have nothing to do...it drives me nuts...and that is when I start obssessing about H.
I have NOT called or beeped him though and that is real progress for me. I was thinking about calling him on Valentine's Day...to wish him a happy V day...but don't think I better...you guys would all probably clobber me with 2x4's ....huh? Or are you gonna cut me a little slack and say ok, call him on V Day since he is away at work and you haven't been calling him, but keep it light and brief and then don't call him again?
So, anyway, no matter what, I will go to the sober AA dance and pot luck with son and try to keep my mind off of H...hope I can do it. C'mon editor, send me the title name for sure, so I can start working on it! I NEED to get busy with something...I NEED to fill the dead hours of my day ...I can't just keep posting here because all it does it make me think about H...
I got the go ahead to start on a children's nonfiction book on the Pueblo Indians! Wooooooohooooooooo! I was supposed to be doing Teens and Drunk Driving but it was too depressing and I just couldn't do it. This is awesome. I've written several books on Native Americans already. Write On! Now, my PMA is up!
Great news on the book! Pueblo Indians - sounds like it could be quite interesting to work on. I am sure my D9 would love to read it.
I can understand your not wanting to work on a Teens and Drunk Driving book. But hey, send it my way - I could use some cash! Remember, I'm in the same boat as you income-wise. And I've always said I wanted to write a book someday and with my background in public health...
Anyway, good for you for not contacting your H. I am so proud of you.
Just go to your appointment on Friday and don't worry about the insurance. I am also on my H's insurance and when he first left, I just let him know that I expected to use the coverage until something occured to change my coverage.
If your H's company employs over 60 people (I think the magic number is 60 - correct me if I'm wrong folks), you are entitled to carry your insurance for an additional 18 months by paying the premium yourself. And your son should be able to be covered by his dad until he is 25 - but maybe he already is.
Well, you just keep on working on you and your new book. And keep on exercising. And when the free week is over, you can keep on lifting weights simply by using canned goods or rolls of coins or books (which seems appropriate for you!). You can determine the weight you want to lift and choose your item accordingly.
Keep up the great work!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Glad you got the book deal, something to do during the day. I understand the need to fill the hours, I'm around all day and that would be when I'd want to email or call him, but hold off.
And, I wouldn't call him on V-day. You are doing great, why break the streak? Your PMA seems up and you are doing it on your own. Keep dropping that rope, give him time and space and keep working on you. How would a phone call to him get your closer to your goals? He isn't going to listen to reason, he doesn't want to feel pursued and if he is nasty to you, there goes the PMA. I don't see any positive in calling. What do you hope to get out of a phone call?
I agree with Dangy 100% here....that V Day phone call IS NOT going to get you anything but more heartache. Right now, your H is NOT receptive to your pursuit, professions of love or anything else and EACH attempt you make to convince him he SHOULD love you will only firm up his resolve to keep running FROM YOU. It's going to take a whole lot more than a few scattered AA meetings, a self serving love letter or a handful of conseling sessions to get him to trust you again.
DO all the things you plan on doing and leave HIM out of it because if you're ONLY doing them in the hopes of getting him back, believe ME he knows it and he won't believe it's going to help...YOUR getting it together and HIM seeing you get yourself together...IS what will make him begin to BELIEVE that you can be healthy. T2
