Good points. I guess maybe I'm just being overly optimistic that in time things will get much better. Considering how things have gone maybe that's nuts. I just have a feeling that even if things get worse in the short term that over the long haul they will improve a lot.
As far as the support vs time thing, up here they are pretty well set in stone unless the parents agree on something different. Here, we use a table that's related directly with the gross income of the parent that makes the most money. If that parent has the kids for less than 40% of the time then the other parent gets X amount of dollars no matter how much they earn themselves. If my W and I have 50/50 with the kids I will still pay her support at a reduced amount based on the difference in our incomes as per the laws here. I would support our kids while they are with her anyway no matter what the law said which is something that I'd like to convey to my W just so she knows she will have financial support regardless of 50/50.
You guys are right though, the way it's gone having things set in stone would be best, provided the stone said we were sharing 50/50.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
I likely should have my L communicate to my W, or maybe I should do it myself, that I will pay her the same amount of support regardless. That may at least help to ease her mind on the financial side of things.
Scorp7, you're all over the board here. You told her you wouldn't discuss anything financial until you came to an agreement that provided equal time with the kids. Be consistent.
Parenting agreement first; financial settlement after. And leave the financial discussions to the lawyers.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Scorp, you're a smart guy. Don't bid against yourself, dude. There's no reason to give up money at this point, especially when you're the only one at the table. Save your powder until you need it. Hang in there.
Drew, the finances I said I wouldn't discuss were things like the house, our business etc. The child support is technical a financial matter but I view it as separate from those other things. I will leave it to my L to handle in any event after giving it some thought last night.
For the D claim, I am saying that I will be the primary care giver or as an alternative we will share the kids 50/50. My L explained the reason for this is I can agree to less than what I ask for but I can't turn around and ask for more. In other words, I can agree to 50/50 with this approach but I would also have the possibility of being awarded primary custody if the court thought it was best for the kids.
Unbidden, thanks, I still have a bad case of "nice guy" syndrome, especially when it comes to my W. This could very well be a long process so I for sure need to just stay cool and give things time.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Drew, the finances I said I wouldn't discuss were things like the house, our business etc. The child support is technical a financial matter but I view it as separate from those other things. I will leave it to my L to handle in any event after giving it some thought last night.
For the D claim, I am saying that I will be the primary care giver or as an alternative we will share the kids 50/50. My L explained the reason for this is I can agree to less than what I ask for but I can't turn around and ask for more. In other words, I can agree to 50/50 with this approach but I would also have the possibility of being awarded primary custody if the court thought it was best for the kids.
Unbidden, thanks, I still have a bad case of "nice guy" syndrome, especially when it comes to my W. This could very well be a long process so I for sure need to just stay cool and give things time.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
So what are you using, to base your support numbers off of ?
How many days are hers, how many days are yours ???
If we had 50/50 custody then the support dollars would be based on a calculation of my gross income vs hers. The difference would determine the support dollars, going by the laws here.
If she had the kids with her more than 60% of the time then the support is totally based on my gross income so that is pretty easy to determine. The same would go if I have the kids more than 60% of the time, then my W would have to pay me support.
That is just going by the book. There's nothing to say my W and I couldn't come to our own agreement which is what I'm hoping for.
I still believe 50/50 is the best option other than a R. This is all in my L's court now. I've made it very clear what I want, now it's up to my L to make it happen.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Drew, no she can't file in the province she's living in for another 6 months since she has to be living there for at least 12 months before she can file.
There may have been several reasons behind sending me the letter. They ideally would want me to simply agree to everything my W is asking for which won't happen since my W seems to be sticking with the "every other weekend plus shared holidays" idea. The letter does threaten that if I do not agree with her terms by March 9th (tomorrow) they will go ahead with filing an application which is not the same as filing for D. That would basically just be an order that would attempt to define custody, child support etc. My L has told me not to worry about that.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
