Ugh...what do I need to work on to avoid positive interactions leading to expectations? This is the pattern:
*H is consistently nice for a couple of days. Really, he is mostly nice. Sometimes he seems more positive about things than others. *I start to think, "Oh, H sure seems positive. Maybe he's starting to rethink things." *I develop expectations. *H doesn't meet the expectations. *I feel disappointed and hurt. *H senses my disappointment and traps me into an R talk. *I tell my H how I honestly feel about all this. *H gets mad and pulls WAY far away. *I continue to feel hurt and act cold.
What you need to work on is being mindful of how these things play out, which you've described above quite well. If you remember where it always ends up, then you'll quit having the expectations. You might even copy/ paste the above on your phone or at work or something as a daily reminder of why not to have expectations. And for Heaven's sake, don't EVER tell him how you "honestly feel"!!!!! That is HUGE pressure on him at a time that he wants no pressure! You have to listen, listen, listen. That's your task, not talking, not sharing your feelings. Just listen and validate.
