Paul-you are doing great! You seem to really enjoy being the rock for your kids. They will look back on this someday and really see how well you handled this.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
I hope so. My d16 said something nice. She said when I was stressing...dad take a few mins for you. Go do your coffee or something at Dublin. We're ok....just go.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
I got the following from my W today after virtually NC over the past week regarding the pending D. My comments are in parenthesis.
H,
A few things
1. I think neither of us are financially able to follow through with the divorce right now (I'm fine. My income would allow me to continue raising the kids and planning for a future as a middle class family just as I do today with some restrictions...but no horses...not my thing anyway) I think it would be best for right now that we live separate and both continue to contribute to the household bills. That being said I think we should put the attorney activity on hold. If you feel that you want to date and go out I am not stopping you. (I want to vomit). I just think it is a wise decision right now until we can get more stable in our finances and other things.
2. The church is looking at other options for a cleaning service I will keep you posted if I hear more.
3. Several people have told me that D16 was driving a person's truck while still on her permit. The guy's name was X and he was somewhat intoxicated so she drove the truck on her permit. I don't think that was right but have no say anymore. (this person is over 21, rarely if ever drinks and has a CDL that he uses to earn a living....what's being described is completely out of character with the person I know).
4. I have also found out that D16 has in the past "been sexually active" with several men. Again that concerns me but have limited say. (when anything was brought up about this in past I came down hard and asked to have W schedule a GYN visit as well to ensure D16 was ok...she declined).
5. I will be at the house on Saturday morning D13 and I will be going through the horse stuff to see what we want to get rid of.
Just FYI
W
I am saddened by this message. It implies that I would wish to live in an "open M" and its insulting and derogatory to D16 (again). For people that know me and my values I would never choose to live in an "open M".
I am not responding to this message at the moment and not sure I ever will, but I do wonder...is there really a response other than silence from me?
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
If you are going through with the divorce, I would not respond. At this point let the lawyers deal with it. If are thinking of responding please post it here first. It is all business at this point. Put the heart on a shelf until later. The email from her keeps referring to issues and that she has no say in the matter. In a way she is blaming you IMO. Just be careful, sounds like she is getting amo ready.my 2c
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Ewwww. Paul, her financial status is her problem. Continue forward.
As far as D16, why can't you make the appt? If she is active, she needs to be going to the dr. Regardless of "how many". At this point you are the only responsible parent. Take the reins.
YOU are doing great! Leave W to her own stuff.
Hang in there!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Thanks rick. I am not going to respond. I already sent a copy to my L and advised that she may not be sitting with me to write up our future plans as I had hoped. We shall see. I did let D 16 know that her actions at being questioned and I asked if there was any reason to do so.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Artsy thanks and at this Point d16 has already been seen and is healthy. W is referring to some time in the past. Not today. Its really hurtful. I will not tell d16 about that. She is currently very attached to someone and this behavior is completely out of character with anything I have observed.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Have you ever sat down D16 to talk to her about responsible sex? I am not talking about the mechanics of it. More about self-respect and maturity. Ya know? As her father, I think you would be a good model to do this instead of just washing your hands off like your W does. That is abdicating her parental responsibilities. This is how I am reading this particular matter on your D16.
1. I think neither of us are financially able to follow through with the divorce right now (I'm fine. My income would allow me to continue raising the kids and planning for a future as a middle class family just as I do today with some restrictions...but no horses...not my thing anyway) I think it would be best for right now that we live separate and both continue to contribute to the household bills. That being said I think we should put the attorney activity on hold. If you feel that you want to date and go out I am not stopping you. (I want to vomit). I just think it is a wise decision right now until we can get more stable in our finances and other things.
Maybe I love to see things in a different way but again my interpretation of this its the one that you cant see now... Basically what I read here its a bunch of great signs:
She is stopping the D, she said because of money....( do you remember believe half of what they say?) if a person really wants a D they will find money under the stones, so again thats a great sign.
Then she goes to say, she "doesn't mind you dating but hates the idea at the same time..." Me personally up to today I don't care about my first exgirlfriend dating other guys because I simply don't feel nothing for her...
She supports that idea because she has a "financial view" of dating as it will generate financial problems...is there any logic on that? Unless you are dating sex professionals, dating should not affect financially... As I said before this is a good point...it shows that as much as she doesn't want to care...she cares heheh keep doing what you are doing because its working, you have to realize something, it took her years to grow all the resentment she has, so little by litle until she sees you in a different way, the resentment has to start disappearing, at certain level its disappearing...
3. Several people have told me that D16 was driving a person's truck while still on her permit. The guy's name was X and he was somewhat intoxicated so she drove the truck on her permit. I don't think that was right but have no say anymore. (this person is over 21, rarely if ever drinks and has a CDL that he uses to earn a living....what's being described is completely out of character with the person I know).
There is 2 ways to see this, one its confronting D and judging her for driving with a permit.... The other one and my favorite one will involve a conversation something like this:
Hi D, I hear you were driving so and so in their truck with your learners permit, he was intoxicated and I think you did something very responsible of taking care of the situation and not letting him drive in that state, that shows a lot of maturity and I am very proud of you, the only thing you have to realize its that you are not allowed to drive without the supervision of a driver in full use of his conditions because that might cause you problems and you could loose your driving privileges, however I trust you and know that you did something remarkable by not letting somebody drive while intoxicated, next time that happens I will have no problem helping you with money for a cab so he gets home safe and you dont get in troubles in case cops stop you. Again I am very proud of you for what you did!
4. I have also found out that D16 has in the past "been sexually active" with several men. Again that concerns me but have limited say. (when anything was brought up about this in past I came down hard and asked to have W schedule a GYN visit as well to ensure D16 was ok...she declined).
All of us have done this, you cant change this, but you can approach her with ideas of how to have safe sex and thats all, everybody grows up including D, better to teach her responsible that refuse or forbid her actions, only D will have the responsability of choosing whats best for her, as much as you might not like it.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
