Had something happen last night and would like any thoughts. We are very low on funds right now and I have told my wife this over and over again. Last night my daughter wanted to order a dress for graduation. I had told her a few days before that she needed to wait as we had bills to pay that couldn't wait. Instead, as kids are want to do, she went to her mom who told her to go ahead. I tried to tell her that we just should wait but my wife insisted that we do it now, no matter what I said. She ended up ordering the dress. Now, my wife will not take over paying the bills, has a serect bank account but refuses to listen when I tell her we just can't afford something she wants!
I tried to not get upset when she wouldn't listen but when I knew I was getting upset, I left the room. While I was in the other room I began to think about my business and the need to start making more money as it seems that I'll never get my wife to stop just spending money and blaming me if things get out of hand. At one point I was thinking about a meeting I had at work and said, out loud, "No one listens to me!" (talking to myself). I was thinking at the time about my business but my wife had come into the other room without me knowing and asked what I meant by that. I told her nicely that it was just something at work and I didn't know she was there. Her reply was "I don't believe you! What did you mean." My first thought was to let her have it! Here is this person who is screwing up my life, my finances and acting like a 15 year old saying she didn't believe ME? Thankfully I stopped myself and just said "I really don't care what you believe" and went about my business. Her reply was "Fine, whatever" and she left the room.
This is the secound time in the last week she accused me of lying when I wasn't. One of our big fights at the start of this mess was when I told her in one of our R talks that she was always saying that I was lying.(this started post Bomb-Day) Her reply was "I just said I don't think you were telling the truth. I never said you were lying". Uh? What is the difference? This was before I knew about MLC and now I know she doesn't even know what the heck she is saying or thinking or even if she is making sense, all she knows is this is how she "feels" at this moment and everything past and present is filtered through how she is feeling at that moment in time. If she feels "bad", everything has always been bad every min. of every day we have been together. If she feels good, it's because she is asserting herself and she feels good because of that. Nothing I did.
How do I handle things when, if I am doing something different or trying to GAL, instead of her accepting that this is me now, she decides to think I'm lying or manipulating. In the past I do know she could read me and how I was feeling or what I was thinking. Since I never had a reason to lie to her the few times I did (which was never for any "bad" reasons, I'm talking little white lies of which there were VERY few)she probably could tell if I was less than truthful. Now that I'm making an effort to be happy, GAL, never get angry, do my own thing, she is thinking "That's not him. He's lying about that" when all I'm doing is trying to DB? Any thoughts?
