Sorry to hear of his passing. He was still connected to you so that still makes it hard. I know there are people in my life that I am not a blood relative to but I feel closer to them. They are the family that you pick.
Hugs. Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat, That is true. I stay in touch with many of his family that he does not. They were horrified at how poorly he behaved & they don't accept maggot. It's weird for me as several of his nieces & nephew, cousins, aunts & brother still chat with me on Facebook. Some bonds cannot be broken.
Another loss today. One of my fellow Lions club members - my Director partner - died of cancer. So sad - he was a wonderful man.
Sorry to hear about your loss. This must be the year of losing people we love.
Just a quick update since I'm leaving early to take D17 to her GI after lunch. It's spring break and she's at the zoo with her behavioral therapist. That should start her week off well!
It was a great workshop. I encourage all of you to go to one when it comes to your city or one close or to one you want to make a scheduled trip. For the record, this is Doreen Virtue's last tour as she will hold workshops in her home state of Hawaii after this year. (She was incredible, and one of the keynote speakers). All in all, it was very positive. I'm truly beat, though.
One of the unexpected treasures was having Brian Weiss for a keynote speaker on Saturday. As you all know, I'm one for past life regression experiences, and am one who can do it pretty easily with guided hypnosis. He did a group one, and it was something that rocked me. In fact, I spent most of the rest of the day crying on and off. But it was helpful. So under hypnosis, I could see...
...As I looked down at my feet, I could see they were bare and very dirty, and I had the feet of a teenage girl--about age 14. As I looked up, I was wearing a filthy and tattered dress - very bland and just plain ugly. I was standing in a door way in a large European city (London, Dublin, Edinborough?), around 1870, peddling something (matchsticks?) and noticing the disgust on the faces of the fine ladies walking by. People were really repulsed by my presence, and didn't hide their disdain as they avoided me (one woman was wearing very fine clothes and had a perfect coiffure, and I could see it was my present mother!). Anyway, he led us to the purpose of showing us that lifetime. I was still a teenager, standing in a cemetery watching them lower a casket into the ground. There were very few people attending the funeral for my father. Although I couldn't see him, it was Dennis... and as I was sobbing because I was terrified what would happen to me. Remember, women and children back then were chattel and the responsibility of a man, and they didn't have life insurance as a rule. So as I was crying and wondering, I overheard someone near me say, "Isn't it tragic? I wonder who will take care of her now?" I felt really, really sorry that I was a burden. Then he guided us back to now.
And then I realized how he might have felt about taking care of me - then and now. So all I needed to say was, "Thank you for doing the best job you could and I appreciate everything you did for me." That still makes me tear up. Because I DO appreciate what he's done for me. After all, the proceeds from the sale of his house are going into trust for D17. And that's not a piddle amount of $$$.
Side note, I am a HUGE fan of Dickens. I fell in love with him in 9th grade while reading A Tale of Two Cities. Needless to say, A Christmas Carol is one of my all time favorite productions - I've seen all the movies and on the stage more than a few times (last time was in Ireland a few years ago), and it REALLY resonates with me. I've always been able to put myself in the house of Tiny Tim. And this also now makes sense to me...
It explained why I was so terrified and angry. Because that isn't how I've felt all along, you know? It just didn't make sense until then. I'm really grateful that I was shown that and it's behind me. I feel a thousand times lighter and happier, which is a fabulous thing.
So that's the high point of my weekend because it was the basis for me realizing why I was there and what I need to do to make more transitions. And more are coming!
It's my birthday week, and I'm going to focus on the positives that are going on as I catapult myself past my 52nd birthday. There are plenty. And one month from tomorrow, I'll fly to NY to go pick up D20 and drive home. I really am excited about that!
So that's it for now. There was so much pertinent information, and I'll share some of it as it comes to the surface. In the meantime, I've got a few things to do before I head out of the office for the rest of the day.
Cheers!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks, Wonka! 52 came and went without fanfare. As I told my sister, anytime it doesn't snow on my birthday, I consider it a winner all by itself. It was sunny and a little windy, but I'm okay with that. It was enough to take the RX-8 out for my social activities.
Not much to report here. I'm knee deep in trying to complete open projects and also doing estate stuff. I had *no* idea how much work that would entail. It's essentially closing down a business. Our next step is to meet with the real estate agents next Tuesday. Our goal is to get the house on the market May 1. Which happens to be the day I'm leaving for NY to go bring D20 home. So we have a lot of work to do between now and then. And Easter is in the middle of it, not to mention what needs to be done at my own house. Well, in between watching hockey and baseball...
So that's it from me for the moment.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thought I would check in since I haven't posted in a while. I stayed in Fairfax for the preliminary hearing and it appears the creep who took advantage of my daughter is going to cop a plea agreement to one of the felony charges. The prosecutor is happy with that because it means he will never be able to be a teacher (he was in his final semester of student teaching at the high school level) and will have to register as a sex offender. He may or may not get jail time. There is a mandatory 5 year sentence but it could be all probation since he has no record of priors. I am fine with the plea agreement as it means my daughter does not have to testify at trial and the consequences to him are significant.
After the preliminary hearing, my daughters and I drove straight down to Florida and were fortunate enough to make there before my father passed away. Dad was a true fighter and held on for 3 days longer than the doctors had predicted. He quietly passed away in the early morning hours of March 31st. I was glad to have seen and talked with him before he passed although he could not respond back he knew we were there. I'm also happy that my daughters were able to see their grandfather.
The past week I have also been doing all of the estate stuff, although I'm sure it is much less complicated than what you are doing Betsey since my father did not have his own business. However there is still a lot of loose ends to tie up and help my mother out with.
To make matters worse, I've been fighting a nasty head cold for the last three days. I'm looking forward to driving home tomorrow and being back in my house and own bed!
What a pair you two are these days wading through estate paperwork, staring down at creeps, and dealing with ongoing grief!
With that in mind, I have sent off each one of you care packages that include:
-small bottles of fine Scotch -packet of M&Ms -soothing CDs of nature's sounds -coupon-book of hugs that can be redeemed at any time -high quality spreadable cheese with fine crackers -book of poems by ee cummings -thick cashmere blankets to lie down on -two bowl fulls of yummy orzo mixed with Kalamata olives, artichokes, pine nuts, onion topped high quality gorgonzola cheese and Olive Oil
Awww, Gineen, that sounds like an EXCELLENT care package! I'd love to have all of them, right down to the hug. BTW, as a return favor, I'm sending you our very sunny 65 degrees as a consolation for all that snow.
BA, I'm so glad you updated. I'm doubly glad that this guy cannot teach and will have a label for the rest of his stinking life. If I had any inkling of pity for this guy (and I don't) it would only have occurred if he was remorseful. So... he gets what's coming to him, and now you and your daughters can move forward.
Like Gineen said, I've seen it happen too (all those years in hospice showed me the miracles that occur). It's so good that you all got to say goodbye. I think I told you that D17 waved at "something flying over the body" the moment that Dennis passed away? It was something else.
I won't say my job is harder than yours. But what I have learned is now that your mom is flying solo - whoever the PR/executor is - encourage her to add that person as a 2nd signer on her checking account. That way you don't have to deal with a frozen account until the death certificate arrives and the PR/executor is officially authorized by the county. We had no suspicious circumstances, and it was 6 weeks before we could access the accounts. The creditors were all understanding... well, except for Verizon and Comcast. But 2 out of many? Not bad.
Dennis didn't own the business anymore, thank goodness. But dismantling an estate is definitely like a business. You have to keep time sheets, receipts and register the estate as its own corporate entity. It's been an eye opener. And I'm pretty sure once I don't own the business (more clarity from that I Can Do It workshop - I'm saying 3-5 years), I'm going to add my D20 as a signer on all my accounts. And since I'm the executor for my parents, when my lone parent is standing solo, I'll make sure of the same. Mr. Wonderful's dad already put him and his brother on his accounts for this very purpose. It's just prudent.
Is your dad going to have a military burial/internment?
Have a safe trip home, BA. Let's talk sometime soon, okay?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Wonka, that was so kind of you to send the care packages to them.
Bets, I know it can be a mess dealing with a loved ones business. My former in laws had been on his Mom's accounts. As she got worse and more paranoid that everyone was out to steal from her, she took them off without a word. Quite a surprise when they went to pay her bills off of her account!
BA, I am so sorry about your dad. I am so glad that you got there in time for your final goodbyes.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
