New here - H's MLC hit like a ton of bricks

[TL72*]

LN - it IS torture. It does get better, you sound like you're doing the right things, reading, educating yourself. Yes definitely make him do the legwork. It's a real mind eff. Stay strong and praying for strength every day, sometimes 10x a day helped me a lot. I stopped having any R talks at all back in January I think - the first 2 weeks after BD were me pursuing and trying to fix it and control it, then I found this place and read everything I could get my hands on. I now try to control ME because it's the only thing I can control. I have actually done way better once he moved out. I had separated the cell phones so I stopped looking for OW and I unfriended him on FB so he can't see my stuff and I can't see his stuff. Stopped looking for OW on there too. All that accomplishes is hurting me, so forget that, now he can wonder what i'm doing (which he's not) and I don't have to be hurt be seeing something that you can't unsee. They're liars, they'll deny, it is what it is, so that's why it is so important to GAL and move on as if they are never waking up from this, for your own sanity, find things to do and if you start thinking about OW then visualize that stop sign in your head, flick a rubberband on your wrist, do something else to distract you, she's his problem now, not yours. I know what you mean about a live person that knows what you're going through. My doctor happened to have a H in MLC so she understood but that is the only person in real life that I have met - otherwise they all just think it's divorce and that's that. You have to sort of not talk about it or else they give you bad advice. My own mother of course wants me to not have anything to do with H and to be angry at him all the time blah blah blah - you do what YOU feel is right, to me anger didn't solve anything or make anything better so I always treat him with kindness. Always with a positive attitude - more like a coworker now but there's no reason for me to be hateful toward him. I do feel anger and hate many times but i'm finding ways to get rid of that and try not to become too bitter. It is all very surreal. Since yours moved out last July, do you enjoy your alone time now? I look forward to going home after work now while after BD I would dread it. Now it's your place, redecorate, move things around, paint. I found it helpful to remove all the evidence of him and our marriage, it's over now. dead. if we were to ever get back together it would have to be a new R and a clean slate. The best thing you can do is let him go, put it in God's hands. Thinking of you, hang in there! It does get easier.