Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

MrBond,

Thanks again, you are right.

I did say thanks for the info and I will consider it a couple times during the talk. It just felt weird and that is why I was asking if I handled right or not.

Along with saying that the part of her that loved is gone and other WAW script, Because I listened and observed, I heard her say some things that tell me she is still confused and real close to her bottom. No expectations but silently I am feeling sorry for her. I am trying not to take advantage of this situation she has gotten herself into but I am trying to protect myself financially and emotionally at the same time.

How do I do these things without coming off as controlling. I don't want all the power honestly, I want us to be equal but W is seemingly putting herself in the one down position that she hated so much. I realize she has to want to get out of the position on her own by any way she chooses not by me helping her. This again is very new to me after 15 years of thinking I was caring for my W correctly only to be told I was overbearing.





I don't want to rescue her any more but that is a hard habit to break.

When she says things like "I have no money" or "I'm(meaning her) not doing a good job at becoming the person the I want to be"

I am empathizing with her and telling her she is a better person than she was but that started even before the S.

I am not telling her obvious things like" well if you get a job you will have money." or things similar that could be construded as me telling her what to do and stuff.

She says she needs to independent I agree with her but when she says things like this rarely does she follow through with actions backing it up.

I just let it go and observe.

Is it ok to "boost" W confidence or should I just keep it at the empathizing and validating level?

She told she doesn't want to talk to me socially because I will get weird thoughts that because she talks to me that means we are getting back together. I told this isn't true but I understand why she would think that and I just really care for her family and pray they are well just as W wishes for my family to be well.

Then 5 min later she is asking me about a family member and how they are doing and I tell her. Things like this make me go to another room and shake my head.

When I bring things up that seem to upset W her standard answer was well I guess we let the L figure it out. I tell her that is her choice.

When W said "You have had nine months to come to accept this", speaking about why I couldn't answer her immediately if I was going to fight the D if she filed. I told her "just like you have used this time to work on yourself(true or not) I have used this to worry about me not really thinking about anything but me. Because that is what I need to do."

She just nodded her head in an accepting manner and I walked to another room.