Bright, I'm glad to see that you are delving into your past and posting some of the issues that have been holding you down for a long time. The anger is good because it will help you get some of that pent up emotional weight off your chest. You've been carrying it around for a very long time.
You can't help someone else resolve their childhood issues until you have resolved your own. Just as travelers on an airplane require oxygen masks and you have your child sitting there on your lap. You take the oxygen mask first, breathe in the air and then put the mask on your child. You need to take care of yourself first in order to help others.
Bright, have you given any thought to speaking to a professional about your childhood issues and how to work on them? It might help you to actually sit down and talk to someone about them. The resentment and anger that you feel towards your parents has been eating you up for years and I would hate to see this affect you throughout your entire life. It's time to release it and the only way to do that is speak to someone and see what they advise you to do. In some cases, they will recommend that you confront the people who have caused you so much pain, but if your father is in ill health, it might not be wise to do so at this time.
I'm very sorry that you are having to go through this, but your h's journey just may be a God send for you. Sometimes those dark clouds really do have silver linings.
BTW, my comment about your h being in replay is only my personal opinion. Please don't take that comment as being the absolute. I could be very wrong about him.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
