Spouse tried I didn't, now opposite

[whytry]

Very little sleep and another hard start at work. Yesterday evening my spouse sat down in our room (my room I guess) and we discussed them leaving and how they no longer have any feelings for me. I listened as best I could and tried to keep my composure. All I could say was I understood and would keep being me and doing what I'm doing so they can move forward with their life to be happy. It's a hard conversation to look the person you love in the eyes and tell them you will survive and you want them happy even though I knew my spouse rejects me and my affection. There was no yelling, no fighting, and no begging on my part and I'm sure that is what they were expecting, but I fought every urge to just be a rock and listen. My gut tells me that the D is coming very soon and I want nothing more than to crawl in a hole by myself and cry uncontrollably. My heart's love transcends the just physical love and affection I have for my spouse. I truly love them so much that their happiness is everything so I will just have to learn to live with my shame and guilt of causing them to leave. My sorrow has never been so great but to know the end is near is devastating. I won't see my counselor or meet with my support group until later in the week so I had to tell somebody.