Ok this one is one I thought about. 20 years ago just before we got married (lived together for 2 years so wife could finish college) I lost the job I loved after 12 years through no fault of my own. I had my entire Idenity wrapped up in it and became depressed. After we got married and I had trouble finding the same type of job, I started using drugs. My wife had no idea what was going on and I hid it well. After a year of me just not being me and being pretty awful, my wife said she was leaving and going to move to be with her mom 1600 miles away. I was free to go with or stay. She never asked what was wrong or tried to help but just wanted to go. I chose to go with her and it all came out on the trip. I wanted it to come out. I stopped that day and have never used again in the last 20 years. I vowed never to hurt her like that again and since, I have dedicated myself to being the best husband and later father I could. I, of course went overboard at times but always had her best interests at heart over the years.
When this all started, the first time she said she wanted a divorce, she said she never got over that. After 20 years she wished I hadn't gone with her! Of course this didn't last long once we talked and her reasons changed with in a couple days. They have changed many times until our last "talk" where she loves me but "there are many kinds of love" and she needs to "find her joy" and can't do that with me around.
I know over the last 20 years every time I got angry or upset with what she was doing, I thought about the pain I caused her back than and tried to fix things. So, this is why I have a need to fix everything. Guilt from so long ago and the vow I made to never hurt her or let her hurt again. Not my job, I know. Stupid, I know but it's been a part of me for a long time and has been hard to overcome.
