Thanks Eric.... I really don't have close friends I'm still in touch with. By going out more and meeting new people and trying to reconnect with others, I'm hoping to find some. The hard part is most of my old friends are married and not going through this crap. Most are couples that I'm friends with both. Hard when it's just me. They also are mostly other parents of my youngest daughters friends as that's how I've met most people over the last 12 years, from school and kids functions!
I'm trying to keep my mind on my business and work towards making that work. It's been hard as all the bad crap at home has me thinking about how to "save" my marriage. As I detach, it's gotten easier but I still need to work on that. If I can start getting this business to work as it can, the money for private school will be easier as I was able to pay for that for 2 kids for years when my wife didn't work!
As for hobbies, I am a bit in a bind there as money is tight and some of the things I want to do (like start SCUBA diving again) take money. I am going to the gym a few nights a week and joining meet up groups for hiking and such. I'm hoping to find a group that interests me and go from there. This is new and I just started this a couple weeks ago so I'm still finding my legs.
As for me and my issues in my marriage. I know that as my wife got depressed, I took over everything. I became more like a father than a husband. I became the worst "Mr. Nice Guy" doing everything and letting her walk all over me. I became upset when after she went back to work, she stopped being a wife and a mother. I pushed her to do things and when she didn't I reacted badly and ended up just doing nothing. I allowed her to just not do anything and when she would say or do something that upset me, instead of just talking to her about it, I withdrew. I started to feel like I was a single parent and when the sex stopped I also got upset. I tried being even nicer. I tried to nice guy my way to heart and that is not my normal way. I would get upset when she went a did things with her friends that she just refused to do with me. Whe all this started she said I should have just done the things (like go on vacation with the kids) and either "made" her or just done it without her. 3 years ago our youngest daughter went through a bad period. She was with a bad guy and doing things like drinking. She went and spent the night with some guy and we found out she had sex. My wife hid it from me at first but then told me. We fought about how best to handle her. She would always disagree with what I thought was right and it really came between us. When my wife told me she wanted a divorce I decided that I would no longer let her come between what I thought was best and do things the way I saw fit. The first big test was last summer when she wanted to spend the summer (on way to be Sr. in H.S.)with her new boyfriend. I said no way and my wife actually said she wished she could go away with "someone she loved" and just have sex for the summer (she also told me she did this the year she grad. from HS with her boyfriend and was "lucky" she didn't get pregnant!)and didn't want to say no to her! MLC mind in action! The only thing that bothered my wife was that people would talk and think badly of her for letting her do this! I just told my wife to stay out of my way and let me handle it. I didn't let her go, she acted out like a child (my wife got mad at me and said "I told you we should let her go"!)but in a few days was fine. That was the start of my wife letting me handle things and now my daughter is doing better than ever has a 3.7 GPA and hasn't acted out since. But I know by letting this come between my wife and I it did much damage.
She wanted me to be stronger with her. To be more like I was before, a man who took care of things, not some wimp who let his wife walk all over him. This is why when I reacted by begging and such it was so bad. Also why I NEED to detach and show her I am the man she married and not Mr. Nice Guy!
