Most mom’s need time to “accept” 50/50. Dad's may not like it..but it is what it is.
My ex wife pretty much abandoned the kids for a few years (FWIW – my definition of abandonment….she left at 5am and came home at 11pm, 5 – 6 days a week I was left to do all parenting). Even though I did not agree with it, I actually understood it. My ex had been a sahm for a while, and the thought of “loosing” control over the kids was a bit too much for her. Personally, I do not think she was intentionally trying to keep them from me. Nope. On the contrary, she wanted FULL control over them. In her mind, she wanted the control on when I could see them. Luckly for me, after my divorce, they were with me 60 – 70% of the time. I also believe, that since our court systems drive child support based on the amount of time the kids are with a parent, that my W was afraid that she would not have enough money to support herself.
Custody is a very complicated process.
Personally, I would suggest (and this is what I settled on)….
“A flexible parenting scheduled that allows the children to spend roughly equal time with the children”. A monthly parenting schedule will be created by X and shared with the other parent. In the event that both parents do not agree, then the following default schedule should apply”. No primary residence elected. Parent X address will be used for school purposes only”.
In the above, you leave the parenting schedule open. It is as equal as you can get. My ex finally agreed when I offered to pay her more than required for child support. So her fears were but to rest and I was able to be a parent.
In terms of the approach or how does one achieve it…I believe that…….
If YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT IS RIGHT – IT IS NEVER WRONG.
So Scorp7 – do what you KNOW is BEST for the kids. Your W does not have to agree (although I would like to think she would). Do not be afraid. Do not use the kids, custody or support as a weapon…..just do right be them. The rest will take care of itself.
Quote:
I was thinking, my family is having a big family gathering for Easter on Saturday April 19th. There will be about 20 or so of us there and the kids will do an easter egg hunt. Should I mention that in my email to my W so that she understands there is a big family day planned that the kids would love? Might help her to be a bit more reasonable, maybe?
If you are communicating it to her with some expectation than NO (expectation = “more reasonable”). If you want to let her know as a parent what the kids will be doing, then sure. Personally, I think you are being nice with an expectation.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
