Hi guys, T-boned the book is called Rebuilding when your relationship ends by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti. 3rd edition and it comes with a workbook. I found it to be incredibly helpful. The counselor guiding this group is the counselor I contacted for IC but she mentioned something about cutting her patients back and so I haven't seen her on an IC basis. I am learning a lot about myself just doing it in group and reading through the book. I may sign up for IC after this group and she has more free time or I'll pick another one from the list I got from my doctor. I'm feeling stronger. I read so many other sitch's and cannot believe how lucky I am in some ways that he left. It sure as heck didn't feel that way at the time but I read some that live with their spouse still and they are constantly being monstered at I just can't imagine the agony. Mine was more like ripping off a bandaid at this point, instead of the slow painful peeling up of one with hairs stuck to it It was still awful, I just can't believe it's only been three months. One day he loves me the next it's BD and moving out the next month and now divorced! Just crazy. Him being gone though has helped me to recover I think. Sort of forced into it, the other option is wallowing in my grief and despair and I didn't much care for that option. I'm journaling every day and wrote this "goodbye" letter which was basically stuff like "good bye to walking on eggshells" "good bye to snoring and waking me up 5x a night when you got out of bed" listing all the things that I really wouldn't miss and other things I am angry about and getting it out of my system. helps with the "letting go" part. I am rambling a bit now. I still think about it all the time, a bit less than before because I was obsessing and now i'm trying to make it a creative learning experience. While he's off on his journey, I too am changing and having personal growth. It's not so bad having quiet evenings at home. Yes I wish he was still there (the nice husband, not the MLCer) but he's not so nothing I can do about that. The over responsible person in me wants to "help" him and "fix" him but i'm trying to not be that person anymore and doing a good job actually. I've let him go, I haven't pursued him and gave him his freedom. I'm still grinding my teeth and smoking though (all due to stress related to this BD, I wasn't doing that at all for many years) so I have that to work on. Hope you all are doing ok. Try and stay positive, thanks you guys for listening and responding!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
It was still awful, I just can't believe it's only been three months. One day he loves me the next it's BD and moving out the next month and now divorced! Just crazy. Him being gone though has helped me to recover I think. Sort of forced into it, the other option is wallowing in my grief and despair and I didn't much care for that option. I'm journaling every day and wrote this "goodbye" letter which was basically stuff like "good bye to walking on eggshells" "good bye to snoring and waking me up 5x a night when you got out of bed" listing all the things that I really wouldn't miss and other things I am angry about and getting it out of my system. helps with the "letting go" part. I am rambling a bit now. I still think about it all the time, a bit less than before because I was obsessing and now i'm trying to make it a creative learning experience. While he's off on his journey, I too am changing and having personal growth. It's not so bad having quiet evenings at home. Yes I wish he was still there (the nice husband, not the MLCer) but he's not so nothing I can do about that. The over responsible person in me wants to "help" him and "fix" him but i'm trying to not be that person anymore and doing a good job actually. I've let him go, I haven't pursued him and gave him his freedom. I'm still grinding my teeth and smoking though (all due to stress related to this BD, I wasn't doing that at all for many years) so I have that to work on. Hope you all are doing ok. Try and stay positive, thanks you guys for listening and responding!
