Sounds like him..he is vicious when pushed...and I ought to know, I have pushed him often enough...
At the times I do...I just want him to hear me so badly...I am learning now, but I just fear it's too late...
I hope my goals pull him back in a little...here's a recap of the last few days... Monday night I asked H to spend night with me. H refused. His exact words..."It doesn't work. I am never going down that road with you again." Thursday night H spent the night here with me. It was maninly for his pleasure, but he did sleep in bed all night with me and did let me snuggle him. Friday he took s to school and then Friday night took suon back to school event and me to store to get movies and even bought us some prawns and some grapes. We had not asked for them. I asked if he wanted to watch one of the movies he said no even though he had picked it out. He said he would be by the next day to plow the driveway. I asked if he wanted to help cook the prawns and have dinner and he said yes. The following day, Saturday, I found a great recipe and called him up. Asked if he was interested in orange shrimp. He acted like he never agreed to having dinner. Then he came over and plowed. He came in and hung around for a while. I told him I had guests ...a gal pal and her daughter coming at six for dinner. He seemed surprised. He asked me if I needed a new computer. I said yes but that I could not afford one. He said he was going to buy me one. I thanked him. Sunday he came by but did not come in the house...just put gravel on the driveway and left. Monday, he came and got son and took him to school. Then, he put more gravel on the driveway and took garbage to dump. He mentioned having to take me off insurance when d was final...I said not if we work things out...he did not respond....he said appraiser was coming by house in two weeks...I said that the higher the appraisal the better the money we could get for a home equity loan for new garage and decks for house if we worked things out...he did not respond...he got ready to go...he left me a check for 200 dollars pluse 3 checks for 30 each for my credit cards...which is 90 more than he usually leaves me....I asked him for a hug...he sort of grudgingly gave me one...I told him to drive safe and he said he would and he left....
Why didn't he tell me not to kid myself if there is no hope? Am I just kidding myself? I have got to stop myself from thinking about these things too much.
ONE DAY AT A TIME. I CAN GET THROUGH THIS ONE DAY AT A TIME. EIGHT O'CLOCK MEETING TONIGHT.....THANK GOD.
Today, I called insurance company and got precertified for counseling. Got bases covered for continued shrink appointments, too. Let insurance know that I am planning on going into treatment center and tried to find out about coverage for that. Have to call back tomorrow to talk more about it. Cleaned out several boxes in daylight basement. Posted a lot on bb.
