Wife moved out to be with her Tour Guide Lover

[Oxford1]

So tomorrow is meeting number two about the collaborative process .

It can go towards a separation agreement, an In- Home separation or the next step in the D, it all spends on what has been put in the WAW head.

I have a strategy for each option.

The problem that I am having is; THE WORST PART IS THEY HAVE US SITTING TOGETHER IN THE SAME WAITNG ROOM. The Manipulator will reach over squeeze my hand, wink at me tell me she loves me and ask how I am...I can hang my hat on that....

She also has been expecting certain behaviors from me that I have been not doing.

For example I know she expected me to attack her about talking to the POS in front of my son...and I did not.

She expected me to text her about her trade show, I did not.

She told the coach she still loved me, she told my son she did not....I never confronted her.

She took the reservation I made for her and me over a year ago for dinner she probably expected me to cancel it.....I did not.

[Oxford1]

Meeting today with the collaborative team. Waiting with bated breath to see what happens...

Is she moving back home is she not. Is she pushing the divorce through is she not..

Is she getting her own apartment..

Or better yet did she dump the Charlatan ( doubt it)

[Upwards]

Oxford I thought that was you on the other forum, they are very harsh over there & seem to advice to file for divorce & go NC straight away in all situations! That approach wasn't the one I wanted to take & I got ripped to shreds because I wanted to do it MY way, needless to say I no longer post on there!!

Thank The Lord for this place!!

[Oxford1]

I am trying to balance between the different forums. I started on the other one before I found this.

I really really feel that if she's back in the home and I try and 180 her and come here for advice, I may turn things around.

I also started thinking about the way she operates,

This just hit me like a ton of bricks

I realize that my STBXW has been thinking about leaving for years. She has waited and waited probably trying to hold out until S15 graduate high school.

Then this charlatan came around. And guess what she is not as in love,with him as he is her. That why his texts are all mushy and hers are,like love,you, see you...bye...etc.

What she wants,is the life he is offering her,of living here and Israel, as well as freedom from responsibilities.

I kept thinking she was in love with the life and thinking it was him...

We have all been fooled by her even the MC and Collaborative coach...


I feel like She,used me for 30+"years to give her two boys a nice home etc! when she felt she was finished with that she was looking for her freedom, and this poor sucker pos fell right into her trap.

Now she is using him!!

OMFG. I CAN't BELIEVE THIS! I finally got her number....

[Oxford1]

The other problem I am finding is it is very very slow to get responses on this forum.. I am in a crises and waiting three days for a reply can be nerve racking.

[MrBond]

You do understand that this is a FREE forum right? People aren't obliged to respond to you. We all help when we can. Look at how many people are on here asking for help. To "expect" to get answers to your specific situation all the time is more controlling attitudes on your part and quite frankly, pretty rude.

[Oxford1]

You do understand that this is a FREE forum right? People aren't obliged to respond to you. We all help when we can. Look at how many people are on here asking for help. To "expect" to get answers to your specific situation all the time is more controlling attitudes on your part and quite frankly, pretty rude.

Mr. Bond you are taking it wrong. I respect this board as being very pro marriage. All the other boards seem to be into slash and burn techniques. Of Course I know its free. I am not trying to be controlling at all. It just seems when I read the other threads they are in line with my heart felt emotions. I apologize if I offended you that was not my intention.

[ye21]

Hello Oxford1 lets see...

I really really feel that if she's back in the home and I try and 180 her and come here for advice, I may turn things around.

There are many cases here where their spouses didnt left the house snd still got D. Also, no matter how much you think about it you dont know the future....unless I am missing something from you ...

I also started thinking about the way she operates,

????? Your W its a human being and you can not figure it out nothing about here unless she tells you...

This just hit me like a ton of bricks

The only way to experience a big change its after having touch bottom in the deepest way ever...

I realize that my STBXW has been thinking about leaving for years. She has waited and waited probably trying to hold out until S15 graduate high school.

You still thinking about why she did this and that....focus on yourself

Then this charlatan came around. And guess what she is not as in love,with him as he is her. That why his texts are all mushy and hers are,like love,you, see you...bye...etc.

First and this is an advice that will help you, dont call him names, by doing that you are just growing resentments, your W its a grown up person and she wasnt " possesed by a guy" to be with ghat guy, she choosed him.
What she wants,is the life he is offering her,of living here and Israel, as well as freedom from responsibilities.

I kept thinking she was in love with the life and thinking it was him...
All you its focussing in being a victim and its fine, she is in another R what are you gonna do now? What can you do about it? What can you do different?


We have all been fooled by her even the MC and Collaborative coach...




I feel like She,used me for 30+"years to give her two boys a nice home etc! when she felt she was finished with that she was looking for her freedom, and this poor sucker pos fell right into her trap.

That maybe true or not, work on yourself, that way you will get those responses, start following the sandi37 rules and I will suggest you to go to a therapist and talk about your anger, and find ways of refocussing those violent feelings that you have..


OMFG. I CAN't BELIEVE THIS! I finally got her number....

??? Your thoughs will make you think everything they want, if you follow them you might ended very well hurt...

IMHO you are not looking to save your M, you are looking to restore your EGO because your EGO feels humilliated by them having an affair.

In that sentence its one of the things you can start working on, your EGO, trust me you have now to take care of yourself and detach from her.

[Oxford1]

SO here is my situation:

Was I wrong to sit in the lot for 30 mins shooting the breeze with her?
How do I work my strategy when she is so caught up with this OM and believes she is madly deeply passionately in love with him. Also when he keeps coaching her. She said she told him what the coach said "It is her and my Divorce and our marriage and he needs to stay out and respect that, he gets all upset, they argue he cries she consoles him all is good with my wife and Mr. Israeli Charlatan"

So here is what happened:

They actually sat us in two different areas.
She leaned over and was like why did they sit us separately and I just looked back at her.

We went into the room and it was us the two Attorneys and the Coach.

It took all my strength to not break down I could feel the panic. I don't think it was grief but more not wanting to be there. Plus she did her hair the way POS likes it and was wearing a necklace that I think he bought her..Rub it in...

The coaches took over.

I can't go into a lot, but we are going to have to do in house separation for a limited time until they work out all the finances. Our stuff is so intertwined that it will take a while to unwind it.

We basically were setting ground rules and she agreed to NC with OM when she is in the house.

Of course when we left she right away told me that he this and he that.
I said I don't want to know about you and him.

Part of the discussion they asked what is hurting me and Of Course I slipped and said my legally married wife is "sleeping" with another man. She retorted she did not want to go there and it would not have happened if I did not chase her off back in February.
I said I did not believe that and lets drop it.

We all left together and she and I were discussing some of the rules of engagement for her return.(Per advisement)

She keeps crying. Claims its because she is upset that I seem sad.
I said well who made me sad, and I am not sad I am ready to move on. Lets just get S15 past this for everyone's sake,

Of course her OM is upset by the entire thing and she says she did not communicate with me all weekend because he won't let her. (does not matter I would not have got back to her.)

She tried to kiss me goodbye and I just walked away. I could hear her sobbing as I left.

She is returning to the house on April 18.

[Oxford1]

Hi ye21:

Glad you joined my thread you make a lot of sense. I am sure by now you have read my comments on the meeting we had.

We just can not afford her right now to get heer own apartment.

I also agree with you. If an attractive woman starts to express intrest in a lonely man who has never been happy in any relationship etc etc, ofcourse he is going to go for it.

The issue with me is EGO vs him. But I do still love her very much. I just dont get why if we were so in love we treated each other so poorly for so long.

I was hoping that if shes in the house and I treat her as a roomate she will see the type of man I am. the only thing is that while hes been here they do so much together. She has no responsibilities on the weekends. And he is spending every last dollar he has on her. Once he reruns home, even if we do things as friends etc (if that's recommended) I right now cant throw money around and do all those things with her.

I am very sad, I feel like I will loose her no matter what I do.

Even if this is just an exit affair for her.