My W came home yesterday and said we needed to change some bills to lower costs but she no longer has any income and wont be able to pay bills except for when she borrows money from relatives.
It then morphed into a conversation about fixing up the house and it is fine if I want to but she will need to sign a piece a paper absolving her from any debt because of the remodeling.
She wants to put the house up for sale but has no company in mind to go with.
We talked about credit cards and some other financial things. then she finally got around to her real question.
W said she wants to make this as painless as possible so since we have been S now for nine months it just be a formality with the paperwork unless I am going to fight her on it.
I simply told her we both have to do what is in both of our best interests and she agreed but pressed on about if I am going to fight her. I said TBH I am not prepared to consult an L at the moment and cant give an honest answer to that question at the moment.
She got a little upset saying she is being up front with me and explaining her wishes and I said I appreciate that and respect that but I still can't give an answer right now.
Then she went into how I could if I wanted to make her life hell for the next 20 months or so. I countered with I don't think I have made your life hell since the S and honestly for a couple years prior. She said just me being in the house is hell for her, she cant sleep, she is just uncomfortable and if I wondering why she is never home it is because she doesn't like being around me no other reason than that.
I said I understand and respect those feelings of yours but none the less it hurts to hear the words.
She went on to say that she tells everybody I am a great guy when I am not drinking I agreed with her and said this past 9 months not drinking has been awesome for and has allowed to do some soul searching.
She said she not discounting the fact that she believes that drinking on both our parts had a lot to do with our problems and now that I am not drinking somewhere down the road in a different context she could be my friend. She said she doesn't think she is throwing away 12 years of marriage because she wasn't happy for a year before the separation. I slipped here and said but you are. I will explain other stuff that was discussed later I just need some time to now to process everything.
I will say there were no raised voices but when she got upset because I didn't give the answers she wanted she abruptly ended the conversation saying well this was a waste. I told I didn't think it was and when I know some more answers I will certainly share them with her.
I then left and gathered myself for an hour and then came back and explained some things to her that I thought needed to be said she listened and offered some more insight to her feelings and again I validated and then left it alone.
Again I will tell more on the interaction later but for now does anybody have any thoughts how I handled the parts I just explained?
Anything I could have done differently or suggestions on what to do going forward now that we actually had an R talk for the first time in 1/3 of a year. Again, I am not sure why she is all the sudden in a hurry because things even if uncontested take some time. I believe she is out of money and thinks if I would just agree to everything her life will be fine. It may but I just cant say for sure right now if I am ready to give her what she wants.
One thing that I did tell her was I hope she understood that the money in the one money market account even though it is joint is money that I put in on my own so anything from S on morally is mine if not legally and there are some other funds in there that were earmarked for other personal expenses of mine that were agreed on right after the S.
This leaves about 2000.00 that would be split between us that could be used for her portion of the bills or whatever she chooses.
She said she would have to check that out. I told her this to let her know that that it is my feeling that that money beyond the 1000.00 that would be her share would be off limits to her to use.
Now I realize she could drain that account but I still trust her that she would not do that.
Should I have not said this? I believe I had to stand up for what some of my thinking is instead of not broaching the subject and avoiding something that potentially could upset her.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
