She left - 2

[gogofo]

25, maybe this will help clarify. I did fully enjoy the interaction we had yesterday. None of the "buts" or negative thoughts came up during our time together.

The buts and disqualifying comments were a way for me to settle down and not get my expectations up. The same thing about my comments about why she called. I don't want to develop false hopes and expectations. I did this early on and it was detrimental. Same thing applies to my comment on staying with what works.

I know what you mean about just enjoying the happiness and I have been working at this constantly. I used to negate my happiness with "buts" and other feelings, but have rarely done it for quite some time and have been proud of my personal growth in this area.

I intended to work at her place. When we interact I fully enjoy it and do not disqualify or negate my happiness. I am still feeling happiness from our little trip. I have learned to enjoy these things without in turn expecting more, sometimes I have to write out my inner thoughts to keep myself grounded. Later that evening I found myself daydreaming about her calling me and asking me to come over. I smiled and then changed thoughts because in the past these thoughts became expectations.

Just so you know the course of action that has worked has been low contact. I text her when she has the kids at night to ask how they are. I let her dictate the conversation. Most of the time it is a two message conversation, other times she sends more. When we interact I make sure I am at my best, even practice body language on the drive over. I practice all my new 180 skills, validate, etc. But I usually try to leave her wanting more and head out or leave while the energy is still good. I don't even look back when I leave or she leaves, which is hard to do.

I caught your TED talk recommendations in another thread in February. I was inspired and immediately read Shawn's book and have been working his ideas for the last 35 days. I really am a ton happier which has helped my DBing and detachment significantly.