So very sorry to hear. I do like the positive things you state. You mention your blessings despite you current situation. That way of thinking will serve you well.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
She pretty well painted you a picture of what you could expect. She has no intentions of cutting OM out of her life......and will use his kid as her connection to him and an excuse to you whenever you question their R.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today, pretty awful. Based on some conversations her mom told me about it was pretty apparent that she was manipulating me to think she wanted to come back only to stay on my health insurance. OM and her never broke up. I'll be filing for D soon, after I meet with a lawyer.
I confronted her about it, she got defensive. Started going off on me and blaming me for her situation. Told me I won't be able to find another W. I don't think she means it, she was probably just lashing out. We argued a lot of course. I don't know how to handle being manipulated and lied to by someone I was planning on spending the rest of my life with. It's very confusing. I don't want to argue anymore. I'm going to need to go no contact with her for a while just so I don't say anything stupid.
You know when she told me it was over the first time in January the very next day I was able to start following the rules and was able to keep things positive. Back then for some reason I had in my head that we were eventually going to get back together. There is no way possible at this point. I still have one more session with my DB coach tomorrow. I'll go through the motions I guess.
Don't listen to her. Nobody is to blame for her stitch but her. Get a very good lawyer.
You see what she capable of doing, so don't trust her. Don't believe anything she tells you. In fact, don't communicate with her. Tell her to have her lawyer contact yours.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
After a disastrous Wednesday I just flat out ignored her all day Thursday. I woke up Friday morning and just had this feeling of acceptance it was over and my anger towards W and OM was definitely lowered for some reason (probably answered prayer). I was just going into business mode with her - kids and divorce terms. I have a meeting with my lawyer to get the divorce papers drawn up and filed next week.
So... Friday night she talks to the kids on the phone and before I can hang up she says she's been thinking. She wonders if there's anyway for us to still work at this point. I told her I'm tired of talking about it, I told her I felt very used these past two weeks, I need her to plan out how we're going to get to where we need to be, and show me some action.
Saturday she tells me she has a plan of what she wants/needs to do. Sunday she goes to our church (which she hasn't been to since December) and talks to our pastor for an hour, and then she sits with me and the kids for the church service.
She is now telling me she is going to breakup with OM (I'm assuming Monday or Tuesday) and wants us to work. Her lease is up at the end of April and I've told her she can't move back in at this point, so she wants to find a roommate to live with and not get her own place.
This is going to take a lot of time and my guard is up... but today she took some steps that showed me she is serious. Not just talk, but actual action.
We will also see how OM responds to her breaking up with him and what that means for the kid they're having. She is hoping that he doesn't want anything to do with the kid and will give up the rights, but I don't know...
I will hold off on filing for divorce for at least a week and see if she follows through with what she told me.
She lied about breaking up with OM before. How will you know if she really has or not?
I'm pretty sure she did because when she broke up with him Monday night and told him that she told me about the pregnancy a couple of weeks ago he went crazy on her calling her names, accusing her of sleeping with me during the time, and wanting a paternity test. Apparently he's going to call me to talk to me about it... So yeah I guess I believe her. Also he's going to be sending me pictures of them together (obviously I'll delete right away). Of course this is all what she tells me. If true OM seems like a crazy control freak that's trying to ruin any chance of her getting back with me and trying to get back at her. She says she feels that he won't harm her, but she doesn't know for sure.
I've made some suggestions to her on things she should do. I told her it's up to her but she should move in with her mom for the time being. She needs to surround herself with some good influences, which she has been doing more lately. She needs to go no contact with OM and his family. I'm being protective of her and that's something I didn't do very well or much before, and she mentioned in our talk tonight that she really liked it.
I told her I forgive her and I love her and I want her back. I told her I'll help her now as much as possible without any expectation of us getting back together. I just want her to be safe and in a good spot in her life. She doesn't understand how I could still love her. She says this must be what unconditional love is like.
She may be using me and manipulating me, I don't know. I don't care. I'll love her as much as I can for as long as I can. I'm prepared to get divorced. I'm prepared to not see the kids half the time or so. I'm prepared to lose money. I'm prepared for the worst and can handle it.
Talked to OM. He started off blaming my W for starting the relationship. I told him to get to the point and ask his question. He asked if I had been sleeping with my W over the past couple of months. I told him its none of his business. He asked if she told him who's kid it was. I told him that she told me its his kid and I believe her. He then kept going on about whether I had been sleeping with her during that time. I kept replying that its none of his business.
He got really frustrated about that and doesn't understand why I won't tell him to make sure it's his kid. I said I'm not going into it and that was it.
He is now telling my W that he knows she was sleeping with both of us. And she's trying to put the kid on him. He's accusing me of saying the kid is mine, which I never said. He's nuts. My W believes me and doesn't believe him.
W has really messed things up for herself and our family. There's part of me that wants to convince her to give me full custody of the kids if she's going to continue to put herself in these situations.
