Just tell her you want her to be fair, it's your turn to have them for a holiday, there's gonna be a big party and the kids will get to see all their cousins etc.
I just checked the dates again. If your wife has plans already for Easter it won't matter what you say you have planned, she won't go for it. She seems very specific about those dates. I don't know what the others think but maybe word your email along the lines of "I'd like to spend" rather than "my plan is" (she doesn't care about your plans, especially if they interfere with hers) and firmly (but nicely) stating how much time you'd like to spend with them. I agree with unbidden that you can say "fair's fair" to her about Christmas/Easter but Easter is only two weeks away so she may have plans already.
It may result in your kids spending Easter with your wife but the kids spending that minimum time with you at some other point in the holidays. Is that OK with you or are you adamant about the kids being with you for Easter? Keep in mind that you will occasionally spend holidays and birthdays with the kids on dates around the exact time but you will celebrate them regardless.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Well, I just talked to my kids on the phone and my D6 started the call by saying the her friend wanted to have a play date with her at Easter so she didn't think she could come home then. It kinda felt like my W may have encouraged her to say that. I told her she could have play dates any time with her friend and that she would miss time with our family. She got very upset and said that she couldn't do "easter activities" with her friend later. I'm sure those words weren't her's.
Anyway, I told her it didn't really matter if it was Easter or not when she came home, we could still treat it like it was Easter and do the same things.
If my W is having Easter with them then I think it's fair to have them home for an extra day or two.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
"If my W is having Easter with them then I think it's fair to have them home for an extra day or two."
Easter or not, it's fair to have them home half the time they're available if you're available.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
The thing that is pretty sad is that she is depriving them of being with my side of the family. My kids will miss out on something that they loved.
I may try to have my family get together on another day with them, that's what we did at Christmas.
As far as splitting the holiday time equally, that would make sense if we're splitting the rest of the time equally as well which unfortunately isn't the case, yet.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
They won't miss out though, Scorp. Life will change, you will adjust and your kids will still get to celebrate events with your family, it just won't be on the day most of the time. If your family is truly supportive of you, they'll understand and join in events when you plan them, not just hold them on the day because "that's what we always do". You need to look at the positives.
Also, you need to get the thoughts out of your mind about your wife manipulating the situation. It's mindreading and you know that now. "She is depriving them", "W may have encouraged her to say that", "before she potentially balks at the kids being with me for Easter"... none of these are facts, none of these you're likely to prove and none of these thoughts do you any good. Focus on the facts. Focus on yourself and the kids.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
It's true, I have been looking at the glass as half empty too often lately. To be honest, I feel like I may have given up hope of a R ever being possible. I believe anything is possible, it just isn't looking very likely.
I may have made a small boo boo last night on my call with my kids. My W and I were big fans of the show Game of Thrones, the season premiere was on last night. My W has been listening to my calls with my kids on speaker phone so I asked my D if they had HBO there. They said they didn't so I told her to tell her Mom that I could record the show and give it to her if she liked. I'd say that would come across as pursuing.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Oops...I am sure you now realize not to do this again. Why would you put your D in the position of being a messenger to your W? Just had to wiggle that in the convo. Not good, right?
My W and I have both been guilty of using our oldest as a messenger. Not good at all. If and when my W and I can actually start to talk directly again that will help things so much.
No, I haven't sent the email yet. I likely will send it shortly after lunch. I changed it to give my W the kids at Easter. I am asking to have the kids for 6 of the 10 days since she will have them for Easter and two of their days with me will be travelling.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
