Wants to leave again after a month!!!

[DFE]

So I spoke too soon. I felt really good yesterday but the anxiety came back today. I am not pursuing anymore. I am trying to let go but I find myself on this forum reading the posts. Then my mind starts to wander and for a split second I grab onto hope that our marriage could be reborn. I'm wondering maybe I need to just stay off the site and out all thoughts of this M out of my head. It's been 9 years of this R. Enough is enough. Why can't I believe that he doesn't want to stay in this family? What's wrong with me? I never thought I would let anyone trample over me like he has and then I go back for more? Everyone thinks I, such a strong woman. Boy would they be shocked to know I'm crumbling.