lost18, i'm sorry but I can't find your link. I would really be interested in your story since you think its similar. I hope my ramblings are not overdone.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
The first thing YOU have to do is to READ DB, the book. That will give you the information that you need to learn about relationships and how to fix it. There is no "magic bullet".
If you don't mind me asking, what was your H's username? It would help if we knew where he was coming from so we know how to approach this situation. The more information we have, the better.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Okay thanks. Hope you don't mind me asking more questions so we know a little more how to help.
Did you read the posts made by your S while here on the board?
Had you threaten to leave or tell S you wanted a D?
I know you had been thinking it over several months, but was there something that was the deciding factor for you? Did it increase your desire to work on the M when you saw S stepping away from you....or you thought you had waited too long to show interest?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2, I welcome any questions. As my memory is extremely bad and sometimes it can be jogged by questions rather than me trying my hardest to think alone. Plus the fact that someone is just interested in helping me is comforting.
My spouse is extremely intelligent so I would guess they made it were I would never find posts. To be honest if would have found any months ago when I was struggling it probably would've just angered me. Now, I would love to read them all because I know they would help me realize what improvements that need to be made that I haven't thought about yet.
Yes I had been threatening for years. Even before EA but in my heart I always knew I was the problem.
My spouse believes that them being DONE is the reason. Truthfully, the final straw was spouse filing tax return and putting entire refund in their personal account. This showed me how truly lost I was. As far as I know all money went to bills and from experience my spouse is truthful no matter what
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Sorry mrbond I don't know user name and I'm sure since my trying infuriates them they aren't going to tell me. It's why I'm so vague on specific details. Spouse is extremely intelligent with amazing computer skills. If I do hear I'll pass along in case it does help.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Sorry everyone but I have to use my phone so I'm sure I make mistakes. It's safer than computer so spouse doesn't get annoyed with me. I can usually get on forum while doing dishes and cooking though.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Spouse came home and after short discussion began accusing me of things. I tried to defend myself but they spun into a fury again yelling about how they broke inside and am leaving and how I ruined there day and we were never meant to be together and to just get over them. I'm sincerely depressed as I have been keeping away and since they started the conversation and had to be in my room to get ready etc. It seems just my presence alone sends them over the edge
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Went to church by myself toda .... Kids stayed the night out of town at cousins. Probably good for me so I had time to reflect on me in a safe environment. Several members of the church know my troubles and are nice enough to offer encouragement and smiles so I don't feel as out of place. Got to stay over and have friendly conversation with new/old friends and it helped relax me. Called spouse on way out to see if they wanted to go to lunch. Completely shocked when they agreed so I went to house so we could go together. Ok until we walked in the door to see people we are both friends with that attend same church. They offered to have us sit with them but spouse wanted to sit in other room away from them. We did. Spouse was annoyed that they look bad staying home sleeping while I'm showing everyone a "nice" person and is gunna have to talk with our friends so they'll no the truth why they are leaving. I said I understood but almost cried knowing they were right. I told spouse that they know them and have enough respect for them not to think that but spouse didn't seem to agree. Lunch did go good though and they did mention that my outside does match my inside now so it was everything I could do not to cry. I called other restaurant after we were done to see if they have a special pie spouse likes and when we left we went and got them a slice and went home. Now since kids are gone I'm in one room they are in the other. Probably won't be in contact with spouse the rest of the day. All I can do is cry to myself why spouse can compliment me and see changes and acknowledge I'm improving but still not love me.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Sorry your struggling so much whytry - sandi, mrbond & the others are brilliant so take their advice. I would really recommend you read DR/DB as soon as you can to understand how some simple changes to your behaviour & attitude could help both your situation & you feel better.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
