I am going to make a concerted effort to just be my spouse's friend. He came by today and dumped some gravel on my driveway, didn't stop in...just dumped the gravel and left. He is stopping by in morning to take son to school and to pick up some garbage and take it to the dump before he leaves for two weeks for work again.
If you want to catch up on my sitch read...I think I really lost him this time...and Mixed Messages....
We've been on quite a roller coaster ride since July...but even since before that...
I am newly sober...that's probably something important to know. I'm also bipolar. My doc has gone back and forth on that diagnosis.
H has not mentioned divorce in days, but has not mentioned coming home or working on marriage either. I did recently tell him I would not sign anything at least until the end of the school year, as I was not prepared to move out of the house until then..and he did not say anything at all ...no arguement...which surprised the heck out of me. He had been saying he wanted things over ASAP.
He is going to leave early to go to work now so he can get his oil changed and do some shopping. H also just offered to buy me a computer out of the blue!
I am going to work really hard on just being H's friend for now. While H is at work, I am not going to call H. I am going to hope that H calls me.
I am going to go to church on Sundays. I am going to go to AA during week. I am going to work on my writing during week. I am going to hang out with gal pals. I am going to go to counseling and have a few dental appointments to go to during next few weeks. I also have a dinner at a fancy restaurant this Wednesday for son and I to attend through church. Also, have aa valentine's day dance to go to on Feb. 14th, if I can find a ride to get there. I don't drive. I had a dwi. Anyway, I have lots to do to keep me busy and out of Relationship chaos...I just need to focus on me and my son... hopefully, I can do that and not be needy and pursue H. I also am setting the goal of no more than two emails a week to H. Emails are to be light and friendly in tone. Nothing heavy, no R talk, no I love you's, just hey how's it going type of things and/or hope your week's going well, thinking of you kind of thing...fill him in on how our week is going, small talk, etc... No beeps on his beeper.
Deep breathes...I can do this! I love him and to make this work I am going to have to do a lot of work. So here goes ...folks ....I'm going for it..Friend to Friend...then love again!
I am completely confused. Still, I am accepting the offer for the gift of a computer and just taking it at face value...he is doing something very nice for me. I am going to respond by being very grateful.
He recently told me when he says something he just means what he says...he has no hidden agendas...he wishes I wouldn't analyze things so much. So, I am going to try not to analyze this. He wants to get me a computer. It's a great gift and he's a great guy for doing such a nice thing for me. End of story.
Now...Tomorrow, I need to be up and dressed with coffee made when he gets here to pick up son. I need to be cheerful and friendly but not overly clingy or needy or too mushy.
It's the last time I will see him for two weeks. I hate this. All right, time to go to bed and get some sleep now.
