Wants to leave again after a month!!!

[DFE]

MrBond
When we were in the war phase he was suing me for custody, the business, even half of the furniture. If I do it friendly he is giving me all. Jose basically leaving it up to me. So I don't want to go to war again. Too much stress for me. Too much.

I'm trying to make stress free for me. If I throw him out the attorneys will get involved and it will be messy. He's even giving me the house. Am I being a pushover?i am getting everything I would have asked for in the D.

The thing with the trip is that it's with my best friend and her husband. I should be the one to go. Now do I go and treat him as a neigh or or walk around like I would if we were together?

[Starsky309]

MrBond
When we were in the war phase he was suing me for custody, the business, even half of the furniture. If I do it friendly he is giving me all. Jose basically leaving it up to me. So I don't want to go to war again. Too much stress for me. Too much.

I'm trying to make stress free for me. If I throw him out the attorneys will get involved and it will be messy. He's even giving me the house. Am I being a pushover?i am getting everything I would have asked for in the D.

Then treat it like the business decision you seem to be, and stop b*tching about his infidelity.

[DFE]

Starsky99 had I treated it like a business transaction the last time he left at least my finances would be in order this time. I went by my emotions. Shouldn't I look out for the well being of myself and my kids future?

I love him dearly. I don't think he has been unfaithful just disturbed. Despite my love he looks at me with a blank look. As if we don't even know each other. That tells me to put my emotions aside as well and sort out the finances first. Then I can deal with either moving on or putting this back together. I don't even know how anymore.

[Starsky309]

Starsky99 had I treated it like a business transaction the last time he left at least my finances would be in order this time. I went by my emotions. Shouldn't I look out for the well being of myself and my kids future?

I'm not disagreeing with this. I'm saying if you DO want to go that route (and it sounds like it may be wise of you to do so), you're going to need to treat it like the business transaction it is, and forget about his unfaithfulness. You're wanting it both ways, and I think you need to choose which tact to take.

Starsky

[DFE]

A forum like this one is a great journal. I went back and read all of my posts. Back to the very first one. Same issues same life. Wow am I hard headed. When will I give up? It's quite clear he wants out. I need to surrender and know that there is another plan for me. Why don't I let him go?

[MrBond]

Then go and get separate accommodations.

[ye21]

A forum like this one is a great journal. I went back and read all of my posts. Back to the very first one. Same issues same life. Wow am I hard headed. When will I give up? It's quite clear he wants out. I need to surrender and know that there is another plan for me. Why don't I let him go?

Look at something that for me worked marvelous: you came asking for advice right?
Everytime a member gave you one (mrbond,me, starsky, etc..)
You spend time responding and trying to justify like there is a reason for everything....if you go to my sitch you will see I used to do the same....
That way you cant change because you always are trying to find a reason... Follow the advice and if it doesnt work...then you can see that it didnt work... But right now you are stuck , thinking that your sitch its unique...and it is untill certain way but again its your choice... Do you want to change?

[DFE]

YE21 you are so right. I went back and read your posts. Your writing has even changed in such a short amount of time. I wish I had listened to all the vets on this board at the beginning. I am always making excuses to justify things I do. Always. I want this to wok so badly that I am trying to manipulate the situation.

Mr Bond you always give great advice. It's so hard for me to follow because it's always been me trying to convince him that D is wrong for our life. I now know that only he knows what's right for his life and I'm letting him go. I'm not trying to hold on anymore. Yes I would have loved for this to workout but I just need to let it go. It's been too many years. I haven't really made any significant changes.

I need to work on the separation agreement. I have most of it figured out. The business is the only thing left. It's the hardest part to divide. We've been able to agree on everything else.

We will go on this trip as friends. Not much contact. Maybe it can be a closure trip. I'm broken but need to eventually piece myself back together.

[ye21]

I need to work on the separation agreement. I have most of it figured out. The business is the only thing left. It's the hardest part to divide. We've been able to agree on everything else.

We will go on this trip as friends. Not much contact. Maybe it can be a closure trip. I'm broken but need to eventually piece myself back together.

You dont need to work on anything by yourself, relax and dedicate time to yourself, you can work in the separation in a week, give yourself a break and see how you feel about all this in a week, keep posting and reading, to let go you dont need to put it in a paper...you just need to detach and let go, if he wants separation he will give you the papers...stop trying to manipulate the outcome as a reaskn to avoid working on yourself..

[DFE]

The fog has been lifted again. I'm not saying everyone should take AD but each time I do it lifts the fog. I fight it because I don't like medicating myself but it helps me see clearly.

He has given me his proposed separation agreement. I will now put my changes in it and see if we can come to an agreement. I want to cross this bridge because limbo [censored] and I've been in it forever. I will be ok. He is losing out of this family and it's not up to me to convince him of it. In time I think he will realize what he's lost. By then it will be too late for him. My life will go on.