Well, my H called right at D7's bedtime tonight, so maybe he realized the importance of it to her this morning when she was talking to him. She gave me the phone when they were finished talking and he wished me a goodnight and said he would talk to me later. It felt very awkward, but I suppose that could be all in my head.
I'm doing about as poorly as I was the couple of weeks right after BD. I just have this horrible feeling that he is going to come back from this trip and tell me he definitely wants a D. I am consumed by fear over this. I haven't been able to stop crying since my D7 went to sleep. Usually when one of us is away, he is always the one who calls repeatedly just to say hi or to check in and he's done none of that this time. That is exactly how he was on the business trip I had in October. That time, BD happened the day I got back in town. I feel like time is running out and the R talk we had earlier this week may have pushed him into a decision. I don't know how to undo this.
If my fears turn out to be true, and he tells me he wants a D when he gets back on Tuesday, I need some advice. Back when I was still very hopeful that he would "wake up" and realize that this was wrong, we talked about not fighting about this and just having my sister, who is a family L, draw up papers. We are in agreement over assets and debts. I have reluctantly agreed to trying 50/50 custody during our separation. While I have had second thoughts about that because of my H's lack of consistency, I think that would be best if he could step up and do a better job. Things could probably be very amicable. However, given our unique situation with a D lawyer in my family, I'm not sure how I can say, "I do not want a D, but won't stand in your way" and then let him do all the work. Do I tell my sister not to do it? She absolutely will not file anything on his behalf. I would have to ask her to do it. I don't want to do anything for a D that I'm adamantly against. I'm not sure what to do. If I tell him he has to figure it out on his own, he'll think I'm just being difficult and trying to make things harder.
I feel so hopeless. I'm not sure if there is any chance for my M to be saved. It makes me want to reach out to him and tell him that I miss him or ask if he's made a decision. I hate not knowing.
