There is a lot of wisdom in Ye's responses. If our spouses want a D, they will do so no matter what we say. All we can control is our reactions. Do we want to act bitter, angry, spiteful? We are in pain, so we want them to feel that pain. But I've realized... even if they feel pain it won't change their minds. And it won't change how they view us. The only option is to be the kind of person that only a fool would walk away from. Such a great, grounded, confident, assertive (but not aggressive) person who can handle this incredible trauma with grace. Let my H have nothing bad to say about me. Let him wonder whether it was all worth it. Let him see how happy and at peace I am--how capable I am as a single parent, how forgiving and capable of change I am, and wonder whether he could have been happy with me. Set clear boundaries, but also in a kind way. That is the best "revenge". That is the only way through this. Deep breaths.
