Well I can tell you this much, when a woman wants to "set straight" some man who has made unwelcome flirtatious moves on her.......she does not have him come to her house!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
We are meeting tomorrow to agree how we go forward. I am going to tell her that I have had enough and and that this latest episode is the last straw. I believe our marriage is irretrievably broken down as this has really gone beyond what even I imagined she was capable of. it would take a miracle to fix this. I don't believe I could ever trust her again
So sorry. Be careful in agreements you make. Don't meet with her if you are too upset. I hope you will continue to post for as long as you want. Please let us know how things go......and how you are doing. Okay?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Spoke to my best friend who has been amazing in this for me. he predicted that she would do something along these lines and become a car crash months ago. He has advised me not to say anything just to stick to LRT and look after the boys. He haa been so right all along so I will give it some thought and see how I feel tomorrow.
Andy, remember that feelings come and go, so be careful about what you tell her and what you agree to. I bet almost everyone here has been done or hopeless more times than they can count. Also, be careful that you are not going to give up because you think it will somehow make you hurt less. It won't.
If I were you, I would say very little and listen to what she says. Then take some time to think about it before you respond or start making any plans. It can never hurt you to STFU.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Ok so we had our meeting today and it went as follows. I waited for her to start but it was obvious she wanted me to speak so I explained that I was no longer going to invest myself emotionally in her or what she does. I said that she can do what she likes with her life but asked that she do nothing that might adversely affect the boys. She agreed competely with that but I explained that messing around with maried men could create a chaotic situation which may well impact them. She stated clearly that she was not involved with him and assured me it had been dealt with. I know not to believe anything she says but she did seem genuine regarding this. I told her it was impossible for her to go on holiday with us and that I would be taking the boys on my own, she agreed that it would be difficult under the circumstances. I also asked that she agree that I am now the main carer for the boys and that she fully respect my position in regards to it. She agreed to that also but asked to continue to visit them as she does and have them alternate Saturdays as normal which I agreed to. It might be a tad awkward as I will be there some of the time but we will see what happens. I then got up to leave and as I di said ' have a nice life and take care' she said 'please don't put it like we will see eachother a lot' I said, ' yes but this is me signing out' and I left. She did seem upset about that. I suppose I am still in LRT mode but I felt I had to lay a marker down to gain some ground back in all of this as she has constantly called the shots. I have no idea what the future holds now but I know I do have to completely let go and GAL and who knows?
I suppose it will take me a few days to come to terms with things. I know that I feel better in terms of having made some decisions and that I definitely had control over the conversation. I also said that she cannot come to my counsellor and she needs to arrange her own. This annoyed her as she said she got a lot from him but she accepted my position and is going to sort her own counselling out. I am determined to try and put her out if my head now as its the only way I will get through this.
