Understand the beating your head idea.. it hurts don't do it.. I know.. The affair thing is so hard to understand. i have been living in its shadow for 6 months.. My H decided the marriage was over before he started the affair.. so his logic is it is not an affair. He forgot to tell me the bit about the marriage.
I wonder if the WAS is scared and also uncomfortable in their own skin My H is reading something on affairs.. I had things lieing around.. His comment..The writers are so negative about the people who have affairs.. use negative words like Walk Away spouse.Betrayed and . I was gob smacked. but agreed yes that is a word that is used.. He used to be the one being critical of men having an affair.. now it is OK if you decide that you separated.
somehow I think the staying away or low contact is for your benefit.. I too talk too much. I make a list before we meet to remind myself ( which is about once a month) keep quiet... , calm
My next goal is to not cry.. that makes him scared... and he runs away.. not sure how to do that.. I think avoid R talks and run away myself before I cry. I know I am not detached.. dont even pretend to be.. but I am more accepting I guess.. and realise it will take time..
Accepting helps this is a crappy situation.. I am a good person but this situation is crap.
