Ken, Bond, gogofo, MLC - thanks. W has been nice recently, even asking about my upcoming trip to Budapest, and so making conversation has been easier. I took your suggestions and brought up how we may be starting to talk to dolphins, some crazy dreams I had, the maker of my d16's violin, etc.
Bond - I think that is the first time I ever heard about your sitch. 3 years of no talk - that would drive me crazy - I trust things have improved?
gogo - thanks for the jokes. I'll post one from my d16.
ken - yes, just talking, without a particular goal, seems a good strategy.
MLC - yes, I should be there all of May. I'll text you when I have the dates and am available.
At Essential Experience I made the conscious decision to trust and be open, and it was really cathartic as a result. Talking to an EE graduate before going made this possible (I really liked and trusted him) and the environment of the workshop helps too (go Inside Team!). It was so good to hear about peoples' innermost selves, and to be received as one is there.
One thing that has made me a bit leery of revealing myself is being taken for strange or weird sometimes, along with the negative remarks that entails. My W has said as much, as have coworkers and my MIL, but I think it is useful and fun to flip thoughts, or assume crazy things and see where they lead, or to poke around in not mainstream areas. It isn't always pleasant, of course, and often lonely, but I feel it is a strength and enriches life.
That is why I thought that a similarly in her head woman might understand me well, seeing the world via her own special mental filter.
Yes, not sharing with W is not an intimacy builder. I just don't want to get put down again for doing so.
My French friend invited me to go running again, but I couldn't. I will see him hopefully next weekend for a long one, and hopefully get to learn more about the real him (he has a son with Asperger's, has dad had Asperger's, and he thinks he did as a kid too, but now feels that he manages to hide it well, and so is not his real self; he also has marriage problems).
Friends are great (thanks again, Bond, for your advice to get nearer to people, rather than avoiding them!).
Gtg - Luke (travel starts tomorrow, so patchily online only)
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
