Wife moved out to be with her Tour Guide Lover

[MrBond]

That wasn't a marital history you just gave. It was a long post about how you think it's all your W's fault and that she's a POS.

You continually say things in the nature of "well I did this, BUT SHE DID THIS!"

Perfect example..."Another item is she says I am controlling. I think we both are controlling."

In this case you need to be impartial and fess up to the things YOU did because in reality that's all you can change. With you minimizing your actions in the marriage and maximizing her faults that's more control on your part. YOU are controlling what information to share and what side to share. Trust me, we've heard it all so we can point out BS rather quickly.

And to let you know, she is probably right in that she feels free. Sure it may be shirking her responsibilities, but have you EVER thought that she wasn't happy with those responsibilities in the first place and that she just did it and didn't share her unhappiness with you because you would have told her that she was wrong and that she shouldn't be unhappy because she has X, Y, Z things? I'm sure you talked to her in that way.

Think back as to when you were dating her. You actually listened to what she said and did what she wanted in conjunction with what you wanted. Then along the way you may slowly taken more control because you were working and she was taking care of the home. Maybe you started feeling that what you did was more important than what she did. It happens. That's where it starts.