I'm at the end of my lunch break and so this post may not be too well organized.
H is doing something new.
It has been about 10 years since saying ILY to H got me the response I might want. (Which is ILY2) I would get silence, "I love me too", Thank You or no you don't. We had a discussion about it several years ago and H explained he didn't like me saying ILY to him, that ILY was said too often in his opinion and should only be said if one was FEELING love. (The whole FEELING LOVE... don't get me started...)
For about the last 6 years or so I rarely said ILY, and stopped altogether after BD. Ha ha, now, last 2 nights in a row H has said ILY to me as we prepare for sleep.
The first night caught me totally off guard and I responded incredulously "You love me?!?" (I did manage not to snort.) Followed by... "thank you".
Last night, dang if he didn't do it again. I wasn't so totally off guard, but I don't really have an answer for him. I don't want to talk about it. No R talks if possible is my new motto. I know OW is still in the picture, and I'm not prepared to "explore my feelings" regarding H and the M until she's gone. Frankly, H's decision to not drop OW combined with the 7 or 14 or 20 OW revelation motivated me to bind and gag my heart before locking it in a box and burying it somewhere foreboding. Where I hope it dies. (Not to be melodramatic... )
Hopefully this new habit is over.
Oh, and, btw, we have our first MC appointment on the 16th...
So... thoughts?
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Thank you for stopping by!!
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