Rise & Shine VII

[labug]

For most of us it takes a hard shake to wake us up. Maybe your H woke up a little. Maybe you've also changed which has created room for that change.

My IC and I talked last week about how my H has changed. We've been together for a long time and I am really surprised at his behaviors at time. He's doing a lot of things I had wished he would do in the past, without my interference.

I controlled pretty much everything in the past, I didn't realize that's what I was doing but I had that 'can't say no' flaw, and no patience for H to do things in his time, in his way. I had my expectations of perfection so I jumped in a did everything, resenting it all the while.

Now it's different. What my IC helped me see is, I stepped aside and gave him space. Dropping my expectations and my judgement (of both of us)gave him room to be different. He doesn't feel pushed aside or controlled by me.

Keep giving space, you too might be surprised.

[3boymom]

Thanks Bug! I am trying hard to step back and give my H some space to make decisions, especially involving the kids and even if I don't agree. I would must prefer that H have an opinion and fight for it then ignore the issue or give in and resent me forever, which is what he has done since the kids were born.

Need advice on some schedule with the kids:

H has the kids Wednesday and Friday and then family day on Sunday. Kids are now playing sports. We have games all day Saturday. So now H and I will both be with the kids on Saturday either at the games together and/or watching the little guys while the big guys are playing. No issue with Saturday.

S5 has practice Wednesday night, which is normally H's night. H took S5 to practice and then out to dinner, while I watched S3 and S1. H said that he wants another night in addition to Wednesday since he wont see S3 and S1. I would therefore lose another night with the kids. I really don't want to change the schedule. I feel like this is a result of our S, which what H asked for. If S5's practice was on my night, I would not ask for an extra day. What do you think?

[labug]

I'm visual, I think I need to make a chart

[labug]

I think I get it.

His options are he has all 3 and takes them all to practice, which many people do.

-or-

He has all 3 and gets a someone to be with the younger 2 if he feels he can't handle all 3 at practice.

Is this the picture?

[3boymom]

We had decided that the younger 2 would stay home because practice goes too late (an hour past S1's bed time). We had also decided that we would each get first option to watch the kids over a baby sitter. There would have been no issue if practice was on my night.

The problem is that practice falls on his night, so he wants another night with all three kids in addition to taking S3 to practice on W.

[3boymom]

Gabbysmom - You are right I would get another night with S3 and S1 on W. But H also gets extra time with the boys all day on Saturday now. H used to not see the kids on Saturdays. We have things scheduled tomorrow from 8 am to 5 pm and he will get to be with them all day (not sure the combo of who will have what kid).

I do like your idea of me getting to spend time with S5 one night and H getting the other boys!! Maybe I will propose that.

I really want to be accommodating but I am really trying hard to start a new life and get some space from H so having to see him so much is hard.

[labug]

We had also decided that we would each get first option to watch the kids over a baby sitter.

I didn't specify who would be with the kids, so that means you have the extra time right?

Think outside the box, GM has some good suggestions.

[3boymom]

Bug - I would get extra time on Wed and H would get extra time on Saturday. In addition, H wanted more time another day, which would mean I lose more time on that night.

I think that I will propose GM's suggestion so that I get some special time with S5.

[3boymom]

5 year olds with games all Saturday ? That's pretty hardcore! Hopefully it won't be like that all year around. When all day sports stop on Saturdays, resume normal schedule.

I should have been more clear. S5 has a baseball game in the morning. S3 has a soccer game in the afternoon and then S5 has team pictures early evening. This is the first time that we are dealing with two kids in activities at the same time. We both want to watch the games because it means a lot to us and the kids.

I appreciate your suggestions. Sometimes I just need so advice to think outside the box and see what works for others.

[Lostforwords]

3b,

I have pondered your quandary....and it is a good one. That said, first I do want to note that two sports games on Saturday does not equate to the whole day...Maybe 3 hours total tops. Like others, I very much got the impression you would be going ALL day.....2 game isn't that bad.

With that said...I like Gabby's suggestion that Saturday becomes family fun day...Sneak in trips to the park or ice cream between the games and you are good to go. It is a great way to have family time outside your house.

Wednesdays- How about alternating who goes to practice and who stays home with the younger two. That way you both accept that the Wednesday schedule is messed up....but make the most of it. It also splits the practice time between both of you....which tells your son that you both support him.

Now with that Sunday then becomes an alternating parent day. One week you have the boys...next week he does. I think that would work great for you...as you get YOUR time as a person away from it all on every other Sunday....a day for you with no work, etc. Now we are talking spa, haircut, shopping....what ever.

As for the extra night....I suggest Friday night. While you know I am not a supporter of the H's visits being at your house....Friday allows you to make the most of it. Make plans with the girls, etc......Get out of the house while he watches the munchkins. Let yourself unwind from the week....and then start the weekend.