Her main impression from this is that I think she's stupid, and that I'm just being a prick because I'm upset that she's finally woken up and isn't taking my crap anymore. "H is making me miserable."
She doesn't understand why I don't trust her to have access to my account. When I mentioned her financial troubles, she thinks I'm referring to her pre-M bankruptcy. (which I fully understand and don't care a thing about.)
She thinks that the fact that she didn't tell me about the CC's that she got taken to court for is a good thing, because she took care of it by herself. I guess that's a different perspective. I thought we were supposed to deal with things as a team. And stay out of court.
She wants to just dump a pile of receipts on my desk and say FU.
I wanted to not put gas into the family expense account because she has to track that as a business expense. That made her mad because she tracks mileage, not gas. "Does he think I'm stupid?" (but a mileage deduction is supposed to cover gas, so again, it's just lack of basic understanding.)
And she's upset because I want to base her contributions on her income, but a third of her income will go to the IRS. Does she not think that taxes don't apply to my income?
She thinks I want 40% of her income, so the whole proportional contribution thing was lost on her.
And she doesn't think any divorce lawyer wants anything to do with any of this. So she missed the point that it's the transparency and documentation of living expenses that he'll want to see.
And two recently divorced friends said this is the same crap that their husbands pulled on them.
Her other take away was that she may be on the street sooner than she expected. She sounds like she's fully committed to a D in the future.
And she hooked up with OM yesterday. (and didn't discuss any of this)
So here I am. On one hand, I think that anything I do on this is just digging the hole deeper, and I should put down the shovel, because this is just driving her away. But then, nothing gets resolved.
And if I get back into it, I'll have to start back at first principles, like "Do you think it's reasonable that we both contribute to paying family expenses? If so, how should we go about that?" and go from there. But she'll be defensive from the get go and hear nothing.
And then Zew gets all zewey again... Is there any realistic chance that she ever senses any loss of anything here? This is pretty sustained dissonance. We seem to be miles apart on the basics, and yet for 18 years, somehow we made it work. [or we didn't since I'm writing this] I am under the impression that W isn't going to come around until she faces a sting of hard realities, which may be a long time post-D, and that too will be my fault. Or maybe she has now arrived at her new reality, and I just see it as incompatible with mine. This is the natural progression of things, I suppose.
