Wife moved out to be with her Tour Guide Lover

[Oxford1]

My wife and I met at a day camp when we were 19She and 18 Me. We had an on and off again relationship.

When we were together about two months she and I had a falling out, for some stupidasss reason I kicked her slightly in the ankle, but I think it hurt her. she dumped me but then we ended up back together. The about two years later she lost her virginity to me.

About a year after we graduated college we were at her house and her mom had just died of BCa, we had a terrible fight. she started hitting me (she forgets this) I pinned her on the bed to stop her, she said I was gross, I spit on her and left.

A few weeks later we reconciled.

We were married at about 25 years old. We were really in love.

We moved about 60 miles from our familys. Her father was an angry lonely cold as ice man (her mother had had at least one affair we knew about )

My sister never left home she is a mess. In long term relationships with several men, but never got married. MY mom and Dad brought my wife into the Frey. It was awful my wife felt like she was asked to take care of her sister in law which she did not want to do.

We bought our first house had S21. We were madly in love. We always worried about money. We fought but not bad.

We then built a Custom House...Our downfall. It was extremely expensive and still is. I made some job changes that hurt us. Wife took a Job as a administrator in a Medical facility. She became a workaholic. She started to travel a lot for business. I always had.

Because I found myself questioning my marriage vows (never acted on it) and I saw people who did act out, I became possessive and jealous.

My wife is not a warm person. She keeps people at a distance. She had very few friends. Her college roommates were not close to her even though they lived near by. She claims I kept her all to myself..this is 50% true. I was so afraid of loosing her she always made me feel she was the greatest and married down (even though socioeconomically my family was three tares above hers).

We started to fight because for months before she would go to a meeting I would get jealous and nervous. You see she was beautiful and had a great figure and could sing and dance and ended up putting on shows for the Brass of her company. She would tell me about all the men that would hit on her.

She eventually left and joined a hospital surgical department. She worked 24/7 to develop a program, she completely neglected me and the kids. I left out how when they were younger we had Au Pars.

My wife also never would want to disclose anything. She was Passive aggressive. She would say she will be home by 6, walk in at 8 and I would get upset. The last few years I started to accuse her of having affairs.

It was all in my head until late 2012.

She was unforgiving, everything had to be her way. if not you would hear about it for weeks. If she learned a phrase she would use it to death. The more the phrase was an affront on me the more she would say it. (During her secret affair she would use phrases from OM).

The problem was I was so frustrated at times I would throw the mail on the floor, dump my plate etc. I also would yell at her to leave me alone already. My kids say she started every fight but I never let them end.

Then she moved her dad in without my permission or at least discussing it with me first. she said she was doing it to help us financially. It was a fiasco for my kids, me and the marriage.

Then I crossed the line. she would storm out of the room and I would toss a pen, an apple whatever was in my hand..it hit her more than once. she would come back and pummel me and I just stood there. One tine I tried to stop her bu holding her and she pulled free and fell and bruised her cheek. I though I was going to die and went for help.

She claims I have horrendous anxiety, that my outbursts were panic attacks.. My only anxiety was that she told me if she did not get this house etc..she would leave. I was always afraid of her, and of loosing her. I also thought she would have affairs...Well look what happened.

Then after out Israel trip we were making love she wwnet nuts in a rag I put a pillow near her face. I scared the [censored] out of myself, she remembers me smothering her I do not remember this. Then a few weeks later same scenario, she told me I was disgusting (i am not I am in incredible physical shape), She kneed me in my little boys. It hurt I raged and put my hands on her neck. I stopped myself balled like a baby went for help.

she says at that point she decided we were done.Her soul went numb.

Then she started this friendship with this Womanizer and the rest is history.

Since January of 2012 all that has happened is a rare argument. She says I would figure out she was with the POS and circle talk her, just beg and reason and attack where she felt cornered. And when she was really sick one time mostly from guilt we were in the car and I just lectured her for an hour about her stupid POS.

She also claims I made fun of her boyfriend and their relationship.

I have been in counseling for two years, MC,IC and collaborative divorce coach 2 woman and a man, all say that I am a good guy, non violent , but she pushed to the point where I was not myself. she was poison to me and others. And that I tried to hard. They also said I will never ever do anything like this again. She told them that about three years ago I pushed her head towards the toilet. they got her to admit that she tossed the cat litter full of cat crap at me and told me she was done forever.
Based on their discussions with her, they said she is mean to me, does not respect me and blames me for everything.

They all agree that I crossed the line and over reacted, but they could see how she can bring out the worst in me. And probably will not last in any relationship she has.

I destroyed my wife and my marriage..