Wow job never thought of that. Would it be better to have seperate accounts on everything just in case things don't work out or is that going to just push us further apart?
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
We are still living in same house, so I have to be careful how I switch the finances. I don't want to do something major that he will notice and get angry about. I also feel bad that I would even think of doing something like this. My H has changed so much so quick and I have a hard time keeping up.
I asked him what was sticking out of his shirt, he showed me his tattoo and apologized for lying. He said he thought I would get mad about it. I am mad about the lying and made that clear. I am wondering what more stupid lies there are. I already know some of the lies as he is not admitting to the affair. The scary part is he acts so normal that all his decisions are normal in the world, he is just going with how he feels finally. Why would he lie...is it for the thrill? dam its like he is 16.
He told me once his work issue was resolved he wants a divorce, which obviously I don't want. He likes me to believe he has been unhappy forever. Somedays it is hard to stay strong. I feel bad for my d7 and d5.
Job's advice is always spot on. It's amazing stuff that will help you see this for what it is. Insanity. Get off the insanity boat. Forget logic and how they used to be. They are that person no more. I know it is difficult, however there is a reason why they say believe none of what they say. I actually internally hum a song when my h sends yet another caca text or says something ridiculous. Seriously. They lie-even if that is completely out of character for them. This is their new persona. Detach!!!
You MUST protect yourself and your children. Your h has left the building even though he is still physically there. Focus on you and the kids. I promise this is a change to build this super unique bond with your kids while h is out in la la land. Don't worry about whether he will get upset because you are protecting yourself. That is his issue. I know that sounds harsh, however it is in your best interest.
I think it is something like 18% of couples remarry after divorce. I know several that have done so. However, to be blunt, that is down the road. You aren't there yet. Your h is going to suddenly flip back to your former h. This takes time and patience. You will get exactly where you need to be. Focus on you and the kids.
Take care of yourself:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks. I just hurts so bad. When I see the person I know it gives me hope. It hurts to hear I am done I want a divorce I'm waiting until??? he had given now 3 things I am waiting til. I just don't want a divorce and on to positives. I am having fun focusing on girls though.
tld, It takes years for them to recover, if they ever do. Some begin to wake up at 7, 8 or 9 years and others may take longer and then there are those who never ever come out of the crisis mode and are forever lost. They become their mirror image (opposite) of the person you know and love.
I am not a gambling person, but I would venture to bet that if you rocked his boat, the mad hatter would appear quite quickly. Don't like to be challenged and you do not want to come off sounding like his mother. He lies because he knows that you will say something to him about the things he does or wants to do. The best thing you can do is observe and really listen because they do like to talk if they are the center of attention and you'll get more by listening and appearing interested in what they are saying.
Please, watch your finances. It's important that you understand that when they get in the spending mode, they do not care if you have money for food, clothing, utilities or mortgage payments. Why? Because they are singing the mantra "me, me, me" Please do not think for one minute he won't spend the money and run up charges...because they do it. Many come here thinking that their spouses won't do it, but they eventually find out that what we have told them is very true and then it's very late in the game and you are stuck w/being responsible for half the charges, etc.
You may not want a divorce, but it only takes one to file and move forward. Many of these nutty buddies talk about divorce and even go so far as filing, but you end up being the one to do the work. Keep in mind, if he files and drags his feet or you opt to drag your feet, it will cost you quite a bit of money because it could go on for quite some time before the divorce is final.
Always remember, you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. He has to fix himself and he will do whatever it is that he must do in order to do so. There is nothing you can do to stop him.
Keep your focus on you, your girls and your finances.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is so crazy to think what they can do, I am absolutely dumb founded. At first I did not think it was mlc BC no one believes in them. He has done too much for it to be anything else. He also seems to be working his way to nervous breakdown.
It is do hard BC he is in spare bedroom, and will not allow me to hug or kiss him, do I stopped trying. He does this thing of fake sleep walking to try to be intimate. I used to give in, but I stopped as I am not sure where he has been. I can see him going free Willy since he had had big v surgery.
Ow who claims is only bff is almost 50 and lives with her mommy. Ow is calling all the time for husband duties - can you fix fence, plant garden, mow yard. It drives me nuts. He tells me what he is going to do and I just say have fun, then I grab the girls and ho play somewhere.
Thanks for suggesting when they talk act interested. I had no clue. Most of the time I just sit quiet and wonder when I don't have to hear about his nonsense. I will have to work on this one and get out my doe eyes and listen to every syllable just like dating.
I have been reading lots of relationship books, and if noticed some problems we both have. But the worst is when cannot work on them BC of the situation. I almost think if there wad not ow, he would not be so bad.
So at first when he said he wanted divorce, he said he was staying BC I am not ready and he wants us to he friends. The second time he hired L for 24 hours then saw how thin I was when changing clothes, and said he cancelled BC I am sick. Now this time he says when work is resolved he is divorcing me...ugh I hope it us more fluff. He is close to our daughters and I cannot see him leaving them. But who knows?
I had no idea that mlc are so long. Ugh. I also get the feeling that I will stand forever and be hurt.
May I suggest that you do a search on Takevowsserious. She has been dealing w/her h in mlc in the home since day one. She's done an excellent job of making a life for her and her two little boys while he's been traveling on the Mother Ship.
Also Raine has been doing an excellent job of rebuilding her life w/her mlc h and children. Her h left for a while, but he's moved back home and they are working towards a new marriage.
To be perfectly honest, many have divorced and gone on w/their lives. Others, are sitting in limbo for many years, hoping against hope, that their spouses will eventually wake up and return home. There are a few on the forum that have reconciled. You might want to go over to Piecing and read up on how some of the posters are coping w/reconciling. A lot depends upon the situation and just how badly the destruction was as to whether or not people reconcile. I know of several cases where the couples divorced and years later reconciled and went on to have wonderful marriages. Again, it all depends upon the people involved and what went down during the crisis.
Take some time and do a search as I suggested. Visit Piecing and read up over there. Reconciling is not easy and it takes a lot of hard work on the people involved. It's not a snap of the finger and everything is okay. Just as they go into crisis, they come back the same way, i.e., nothing is easy when it comes to the MLCer and the WAS.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
TLD, I'm still learning here but I'll give you as much moral support as possible. The folks here are very informative so I've been reading a lot so I can learn myself. I wish I had some input but honestly I was the deficient part of our marriage and it took a while to get my head screwed on straight. I can say that if your H digs deep, one day when he hits rock bottom he will truly see how he acted and be ashamed to his core.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
I don't think I was that perfect in the marriage, but I was not as bad as he likes me to believe. I am grateful to have found this website. It is quite informative and understands why I am still standing.
Since I am a newbie can you tell me how to look up certain users?
