Help Newbie with H going thru midlife crisis

[scooby]

Thanks for the ideas. So far the girls have no idea what is going on. They think daddy is in different room because mommy has been sick. He has always been a good dad til recently, he is being self absorbed. I still am not sure if it is mlf, or he us changing for OW, or mentally insane-truthfully I think it is combo of all. His therapist told my therapist he has mental issues, too bad he stopped therapy to work on lawsuit.

He told me after work situation he wants a divorce. It has made it hard to stay strong and standing.

Thanks for all the encouragement! I really appreciate any advice or ideas you can throw my way because at this point I feel scrambled

[scooby]

I just found out he is planning on getting a tattoo. This after he just paid $4000 to a lawyer due to his work situation. I am wondering if we are going to end up with second mortgage when he is done? He says he plans on a divorce once he is done with work lawsuit. He works for the state so could be long process. Ugh!;;

When does the nonsense stop? How could he completely change overnight? Help????

[scooby]

I am still trying to find myself and decide what I want yo be. Ugh. It is hard

[job]

Even though it appears that your h changed over night...it didn't happen that way. Your h began to change 18-24 months prior to the bomb drop. His changes were very subtle, but they were taking place.

I'm not surprised by the tattoo. Many get them or body piercings. Some even go as far as removing all of their body hair. Grab a chair on the sidewalk and observe. If he hasn't already started, he'll change his looks, the clothes he wears, music taste may change, as well as food and drinks. They will drive all exterior avenues in search of the illusive happiness pot of gold...but you know what? Happiness comes from within and it's going to take him a long time to discover this.

The nonsense will stop when he's hit the brick wall many times over and has finally come face to face w/his issues of long ago and he grows up. He needs to go back to the time that he was emotionally stunted and grow up.

Don't sign on for a second mortgage. Seek legal advice/guidance now and begin setting up your own accounts and start moving a little bit of money over whenever you can. Watch your credit card accounts as well.

The nonsense for you will stop when you detach and step away from his sandbox. Leave him to face the consequences of his actions.

Protect yourself and your assets as this is the first priority because he's gone on the Mother Ship for a while.

[whytry]

Wow job. Very insightful information. Helps. Ty

[peacetoday]

Job is right

Protect your finances and keep a very watchful eye on everything spent.

If you don't , he could create debt and you could be liable for some of it

I took my name off my XH credit cards when I realized he was spending out of control

Seek Legal advice..just to get an idea of where you stand
It really helps to know your rights and a good L will tell you everything you should know in an hour consultation

My XH died his hair orange and got his eyebrows plucked at one point

Hang in there
Peace

[scooby]

Thanks for the advice. I find that I can detach from his actions, but have a hard time when he starts a conversation not being a bitch (which is very out of character for me.)

You mentioned credit cards. Is it possible to have the limit lowered and at the same time my name removed from the account?

I met with a lawyer and if he decides to divorce there is really nothing I can do to hold up the process. In the state I live in if I fight it, then we will go in front of judge who will decide all and I would lose since I fought the divorce.

He quit therapy and I have been warned to watch closely as he is showing mental issues. This is not surprising since he never dealt with his awful childhood.

I am trying hard to stand tall, but sometimes feel like throwing in the towel. The girls keep me going. And until he is more mentally sound I feel it is not safe for him to have girls alone. I don't have anything to prove his mental instability yet.

I still am trying to find myself. It is very hard as the last 7 years all I have done is mom, work and wife.

[scooby]

Ok, it is official I am the mom of a teenage boy. He usually works evening shift, and he left 2 hours early for work and came home 5 hours early. Then he handed me so receipts, and there is no way he was st work. I almost called him on it. Ugh!!! He still is not telling me about the tattoo. I noticed a small amount posted on credit card for tattoo today, but he has not given me receipt. Honestly those that been the u this how did you keep your sanity? How did you keep from tiling for divorce? I can't believe he would call in sick when they are looking at firing him.

[scooby]

I can see the bandage peaking out of shirt...how is the idiot going to hide a tattoo?

[job]

Yep, he's gone back in time to Never Land. Quite frankly, he doesn't care whether his job is in jeopardy or not. His priority was starting his tattoo and that was all he cared about. Their motto, no sweat, no problem, no responsibilities.

Call the credit card companies and request that your limit be lowered. Just keep in mind, he can turn around and call them and have it raised.

When I was going through this w/my xh, I called and spoke to a rep at credit company and she advised me that as long as there was a balance, I could not remove my name from the joint account, but if I could protect myself in another way, i.e., I could call back and state that I've either lost or misplaced my card and request that the account be moved over to a new one as soon as possible. What that does is close out the original account and a new one set up and then new cards are issued. You would get them in the mail and not give him one of the cards. I did this for two of the joint cards and I was very glad I did it. My xh had started to spend like crazy and wasn't living in the home w/me and wasn't giving me money to pay his charges.

I'm very sorry you are having to go through this. MLC is not a sprint, but a very long and painful marathon. It's not for the faint of heart, so buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life. You will see and hear things that you would never have imagined come from your h's mouth.

Take care of yourself.