H's MLC hit like a ton of bricks

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Just journaling a bit more today. Still don't know whether husband's job is on the chopping block, but should find out soon. Maybe losing the job would really send him into a tailspin, or maybe it would be the beginning of 'waking him up'?

They say it's always darkest before the dawn. Well, I feel like I'm in one of my darkest days. Literally. I'm attempting to 'go dark' but it's SO difficult. After 9 months, I feel like I should be able to make a decision about my future. But, with all the reading I've been doing on MLC, it sounds like 'replay' might be just getting started. I'm not sure I have the patience I need to keep going much longer. Something will have to change soon. I keep doing everything I'm supposed to do for me, but really, all I had envisioned for my future involved my husband, and it's really hard to reset that after 20 years and try to envision a future without him. I just keep praying like mad, talking to friends and family, and pursuing anything and everything that keeps me busy. If you are somewhat the same timeline/sitch as me, drop me a line. Need some encouragement, hope.