In FT today where we are working with a mediator to set up a schedule, W arrived late crying and "saying hates her life, how did she get here, married, divorced it doesn't matter". Although concerning for me, this took up 30 min of our session , meaning our schedule development was put off once again. This seems to be a regular tactic. I'm not sure why she keeps doing this, and I wonder if she is being sincere or stalling
I've been sticking to my goals, and have had to work hard to avoid a R discussion as W has brought it up a few times. In FT she said for me to think that our M is over, and that it is over. I realize she is saying this right now, because that is how she feels. It hurts, but it's how she feels. I fear I may have pushed her to say that. I'm trying not to do anything that pushes her. I also fear the schedule will push her away. Looking for some thoughts on this.
I have been making attempts to detach, and she has noticed, and has threatened that punishing her by detaching ( not her choice of words, but that is what I am doing), will only drive her further away. I am prepared to take this risk I guess, but it's hard, as we actually have fun when we spend time together. Of course this is cake eating.
I'm not really guessing anymore what she is thinking, and to be honest, if I hD to guess, I would assume she is scared and confused. I am. The mediator is establishing a schedule for the duration of the separation. It's not pushing towards divorce. More a way to set up boundaries for me. Projecting the reality of a divorce may be a fringe benefit, but really, either way I am realizing that I can only make my choice for me. Regardless of what my W decides, I will stop DB and make my choice as to how I proceed when I am ready. I trust I will know, instead of basing it on what my W says. Having some control helps me feel better a bit.
I can think that she has confusion and isn't sure about what she is doing all I want, but it doesn't matter. Her actions are what she is doing, and as far as I know, she is still involved in her A. I haven't snooped because there is no point right now. And I haven't asked her either.
The frustration of not being able to attempt a relationship with better communication etc and having more needs met is tough. But I am aware that I can only control myself. I find if we even talk, it is easy to get on tangents and I want to slip towards questions etc. She would like to talk tonight, but I'm worried. I don't want to get into a R talk.
Sandi, I think her mental health has stabilized as she is doing her own IC. Tough love is occurring. I'm more comfortable now with the way things sit. I still would like my kids with me at all times. I have set up precautions to monitor the situation in my house, and Nanny will be there when she is, although this is not a reality if our relationship does not rebuild
I am interested in establishing the boundaries for me, to help me GAL and detach further. My fear is that it will drive her away, but this has to be about me. I need to feel confident enough and secure enough to take this risk. Probably the biggest 180 I could do, is strengthen the appearance that I am moving on with or without her. This will take a realization by me that I can do that either way.
Anyways, enough self reflection for today. If anyone sees any areas I could improve on or change, I'm all ears. Thanks for reading.
