So your W is going to move back into the marital home and live separately from you. She is moving in with the understanding that this is a financial agreement only and she is still free to pursue whatever she chooses, with whomever she chooses, correct?
Boundaries.
That is all you can do at this point. You need to establish boundaries quickly in order to not only protect yourself but also to protect any salvageable piece of your M.
Get the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend and read it as quickly as you can before she is in your home.
You are going to need to sit down with her and discuss your boundaries before she fully moves in to the house.
These are NOT ultimatums. These are not limits on what she does. These are not controls put on her by you. These are YOUR boundaries. Lines that if crossed will violate your personal beliefs and establish distrust.
Simple? NO WAY! Necessary? Absolutely!
Establishing and enforcing boundaries in your life takes practice and diligence but can lead to a much better R in the end.
Good luck.
Remember. The only control you have at all is control of your own reactions and actions. She will do what she is going to do with no interference or help from you.
The collaborative coach is helping us with boundaries. I will try and get that book and read it ASAP.
Also it will post a post about our marriage and the dynamics shortly. I need to edit it because 28 years makes for a long description. But let's put it this way. The marriage was somewhat abusive, two way abuse, enough that I was going to leave her a few years ago.
On her side she says her soul went numb many many years ago even though she still loved me.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
