If you read back in my posts, W has repeatedly gotten into financial trouble and hidden it from me.
She's now in an active A, talking about sticking around until she's financially ready to go. She's skipping out on court ordered payments for bad debt, and talking with her friends about "getting me" to pay off her debt. I have offered to help, she has still declined. She's ignoring the budget. Meanwhile she's out buying whatever she thinks she needs. She is completely out of control.
I think I get what she wants -- she wants full access to feel secure in being a fully trusted partner in our M. It isn't math to her at all. If you loved me, you would give me the keys to the store. But there just isn't any trust right now, from both financial and future intent standpoint. I've told her we could get there with commitment and work, but that's not where we are. That presents a problem.
That's why I proposed an alternative. I want to get to somewhere between where we are and where she wants to be. I want to move the ball forward.
Is it hard for me to keep judgment concealed on this? Yes. I understand not judging people based on my values. Is paying the bills you incur a value? Not that I'm hung up on making a statement when it's truly not helpful, but I have good reason to be cautious.
Now, having said that, if you feel that I'm just wrong, I'm all ears.
