Take Two ...

[Train]

I am definitely seeing exactly where you're coming from. No interactions between us is obviously the *only* viable tool I have to hang onto any string of hope that our family might eventually be put back together. But more importantly, it's the only viable tool I have to hang onto my SANITY.

My BIGGEST problem, HS, is that I cannot. keep. my. freaking. mouth. shut. I KNOW this is a problem of mine. When somebody says something that is just flat-out factually wrong, or utterly absurd and ridiculous, I just can't walk away from it. I never HAVE been able to.

So, yes. No interactions. No texts. No anything.

H is still working all the time, so I'm *assuming* that his and OW's R is still mostly texting. (I wonder how things are playing out between her and her H, too. I don't think she's still living at her home.) I only know the texts I saw right after BD - only about one day's worth - but I'm sure the content of H and OW's texts has changed drastically since then. I mean, I could be wrong. But I don't see them exchanging loads of cozy texts anymore about happy kids and, um, their favorite positions ... and how H needs her to tell him when she's about to O so he can "increase his efforts." (If it didn't make me sick, I'd probably laugh.) But I'm sure she's there for him, soothing his ego as he talks about what a b!tch I am and how I'm trying to "keep his kids from him." (And, as an aside, I DO wonder - if their R is mostly only texting with an occasional roll in the hay - how speedy this R will meet its demise. H has been talking about getting his own place as soon as financial support is determined. Perhaps that will hasten things along.)

So, yes. I need to stop giving him reasons to complain. Even if his complaints are absurd and ridiculous. And flat-out factually wrong.

Ya know, that comment last night from him flew all over me because my D16 and D17's dad has said that SAME thing to them their entire lives: "I didn't leave you; I left your mom." But yet he has NOTHING to do with them. How does even the craziest of minds make that make sense? So when H said it, it felt like a kick in my gut; luckily, I didn't respond how I *wanted* to (the above post).

Ahhhhh ... GAL. What am I doing? This week has been the worst week yet, and I don't know which came first: the chicken or the egg. I haven't done much. Friends have been busy. I was able to enjoy some outdoor time with the kids this week since the weather has been nice. Tonight, I have plans to meet a couple friends and hang out by the lake. I've been invited to a spiritual belly-dancing class tomorrow, and I'm seriously considering that. I was invited to go watch an old friend's band play Saturday night. And I've been invited to go shoot big guns on Sunday. I'm thankful that so many of my friend's calendars cleared ... all at the same time. But this is the perfect time for me to stay busy, so I'm glad I have some activities from which to pick and choose this weekend.

God and the Universe are taking mighty good care of me. I just need to stop and relax and know that. And stay in the present.