making smalltalk around someone who makes you uncomfortable is unnerving. as an introvert, i struggle making smalltalk.
if you can easily talk to strangers, or acquaintances at work, i'd look at what topics you choose with them, or what feelings/expectations you have in those conversations and then try to apply that to her. block out the fact she's your W and there's issues in your R.
conversations don't need a goal or outcome, sometimes its just empty words about nothing.
years ago i watched a short documentary about sports and baseball. the gist of this is that sports allow people to make connections and conversation when the individuals have nothing else in common. Two complete strangers can sit at a bar and spend hours talking about sports, and teams, and player statistics, and what happened last season and whats going to happen next season. they can get emotional about it, they can argue about it. and there is an endless supply of information, none of it is taken personal.
find her "sport", something that has endless topics, that she's passionate about, that's unrelated to your R, and gather information about it. if its flowers and gardening, try that. maybe home renovations, cooking. forget about making the conversation have a goal - dont think of it as a method to make a connection with her or convince her of anything. just let it be an end to itself.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
