My W told my family she still has "hope" for us. Hmmm...
Maybe b/c she knew that's what they wanted to hear and that it would satisfy them for now. No, don't place any value in what she told them.
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IF a possible R happens way down the line, would asking for truth about her A even matter then? Or is that a bridge to wait to cross if it ever even happens?
I'm not exactly sure what you mean. Can you explain more?
BTW, you said your A ended when you discovered your W have one. Did she ever know you had an A?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
