Unicorns, Big Foot, and the WAS...

[25yearsmlc]

Just to throw these two things in, First, I don't get the sense that "abuse" is being alleged here but maybe the comment was made b/c of the "good to bad ratio"

and to me, the whole "30% good ratio" etc. is not applicable b/c I feel that when we get here, as in, HERE on DB, there are too few of us having much good happening at all....b/c it's a darn rough"patch" we are having...

I certainly had months go by with NO "good memories" at all. As in "zero".

I was filled with pain and anger and resentment. And sadness.

But once upon a time I thought my h was my soul mate. So I hung in there, during an almost 0% "Good time" ratio, b/c of that fact that once upon a time I just knew we had "it".

And it was mainly due to our past and the belief that we COULD someday regain what we had lost...and that would always going to be my goal.

Not to hang in b/c I get some return on my investment right away, or a ratio of it,

but b/c I hoped and believed that someday we could regain our footing.

Hope this makes sense.

I told you the Palm Springs story b/c I think it's possible, to take a temporary positive approach...when we don't look at the whole "mountain" but just where we have to climb that day/week.

See, when I did that with my h, and started to see him more positively, it did not "Solve" all our problems. It was a start to something.

It gave me a glimpse of what forgiveness might look like. And several months later, I looked back at Palm Springs as a pivotal moment in that process.

Do try to turn it over. Honestly, I used to say it out loud in the shower (so the kids wouldn't think I was going nuts muttering to myself)

and I said it out loud, a lot. By thinking the words "I turn this over to You", and saying them, and hearing myself say them, it helped the message of letting go, sink in.

Keep at this. I think your h is in more pain than you realize. Never underestimate the possibility that he's in deep pain. Yes self inflicted, but irrelevant.

With my h, there was more than I realized at the time, but it's worse later on when the H's realize that they have to overcome things with their chiildren, not just us.

It's already hard enough for them, don't make it harder. In fact, try to remember another thing my DB coach would say, which is to

Keep the Road Home, Paved & Smooth...