TRC, I cam relate to what you're saying about your W being afraid to tell you what she was truly feeling because of her being afraid of your anger. My W has told me the same thing since she's been gone. I was like you, I rarely ever got angry with her, only a handful of times in 11.5 years. She did see me angry at other things though as well so that was enough.
She does have responsibility though for telling you what she truly was thinking and feeling. Saying she was afraid to tell you is an excuse. There are many, many ways that she could have told you her true feelings without feeling afraid (leaving a letter for you, seeing a counselor together, meeting with you with a family member present etc).
I feel that when kids are involved that the parents owe it to them to do EVERYTHING they can to work out their issues before they ever even consider D. The fact your W didn't tell you her true feelings until after she left shows that she never truly gave you an opportunity to work on your M and address the issues.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
