I've only read your last post and not your whole sitch, but if it were me, I probably would not go on that vacation. It sounds like this situation is wreaking havoc with your emotions and I would think that taking that vacation with him would not be practicing good self-care.
WRT having him live in the basement:
Originally Posted By: DFE
Once he is gone I am done trying. I can't take the pain anymore of him going and coming.
How serious are you about that?
At the point you decide you're "done", you will need to grieve the loss of the relationship, rediscover yourself as a single woman, and at some point you will want to start dating again, as foreign as that concept may seem at this point.
Likewise, your H, if he is truly "DONE DONE DONE" will likely be interested in finding a new relationship at some point.
Having him live in the basement is going to be problematic for both of you with regard to moving your lives forward. The more contact you have with him on a daily basis, the more prolonged your grieving and healing process will be.
If you are willing to tolerate continued limbo because you have not given up hope and still choose to "stand", then allow him to stay in the house. (Most of your comments would lead me to believe this is really how you feel)
If you are truly ready to drop the rope and move on, then do NOT let him stay in the house, because it will hold you back and prolong your pain.
So really, it comes down to what do YOU want to do?
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
