However I also realise now just how dysfunctional his family is, I just thought he was different.
Bingo, it is like you were describing my H’s family. When we were still M’d, we went to his niece’s HS graduation. After the ceremony H had to take his other brother to the airport and I stayed with the rest of the family. They were taking pictures outside and I was not invited. H later apologized for their behavior and seemed to be really sorry and sympathetic for me. The weird part is that this part of his family (his oldest brother) is now sending me the holiday and birthday card, addressed specifically to me. I actually didn’t expect then to maintain any contact with me, but I guess I was wrong. It is probably the wife’s (BIL’s wife) idea more than anything. On the other hand, H’s sister completely erased me from her life. And she was the one who always expressed her “love” for me. I guess it was fake anyway.
I know that both H’s nieces are getting married this year in August and September. I’m not expecting to be invited, not I that I want to anyway.
I also thought that H was different. And he still might be if when he comes out of his crisis.
I’m guessing that your X’s family didn’t want you to know, because being a dysfunctional family they would not know how to handle it with you.
I’m glad your are making progress in GAL
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state