Take Two ...

[Train]

Okay, I'm ready for a new approach. I'm starting to wake up at 4 a.m. every morning - even after 6 weeks of sleeping FINE - so I KNOW I'm not on the right path.

Clearly, I fumbled. I let my guard down. And now I'm on a downward spiral.

I'm ready to find my footing again, and I have set things up to be able to switch my approach.

I didn't spend 3 weeks trying to meet H's needs as HNHN suggests in Plan A. But that's in the past. I didn't tell H what I wanted. I handled that last week. I didn't tell him I'd be willing to work on our M if he ended things with OW. That's been handled now, too.

So now I can start from Square One, knowing I've taken the steps that I could ... even if I was late taking them. And H isn't responsive whatsoever. In fact - in typical WAS behavior - it just pushes him further away. I know this.

Now, for the approach. I think I'll be good with a "soft" NC. No texting. No family dinners. No calling. No talking. But to go completely NC - with an intermediary - is a HUGE commitment, and it's not one I'm 100 percent sure I can handle long-term. And something that big would take perfect precision and execution. One slip-up, and it's over. Correct me if I'm wrong about that - I'm still reading about WFH's "Plan B" - but that's what I'm gleaning from what I've read so far.

I DO think I can limit - extremely - any face-to-face contact with him, when possible. Tomorrow, he has to pick up the kids at 4:30 so I can go to my L. Both my older DDs are working. Everyone I *know* will be working at that time, so I don't have anyone who could handle that "hand-over" for me. But I can make sure I'm not here when he brings them back. And I've already made plans for Sunday so I'm not here when he picks up/drops off.

I'm ready to knock-off any physical touching and "just because" texting if that's in the best interest of the potential future of this M. And I'll do whatever I have to do to control that. I feel I have enough discipline and willpower, if I dig deep enough, to pull that off. I've done it before. I can do it again.

Here's one problem: He wants to call the kids nightly to talk to them before bed. Do I just tell him no? I don't want to hurt the kids. I know he did this to them. But I don't want to feel like I'm using them as pawns in some "game" of trying to restore my M. I can handle a firm visitation schedule. But cutting off ALL other contact, like a bed-time phone call? I just don't know. I'd love your opinions.

H texted yesterday: "I just miss my kids .... ALL OF THEM!!!!!!"

I know that's tearing him up. But that's really just too bad.

That's where I am right now. It's all just too damn bad.