Separate and Filed walking on

[artsy]

Me, too, Paul!

I'm blaming the weather!

[labug]

"It" may not be better for everybody, I can't think of anything that's better for everybody. Can you?

But you're right, accept where you are. Don't fight, let go.

That was so difficult for me but I've found it's been the most instrumental in my moving forward.

What was your W adding to your life that you're missing right now?

[paul19510]

Hi bug! I think sometimes when I was stressed or worried I had someone to tslk to. Although not so much foe the past couple of years at least. So...she didn't really add anyrhing thst I miss today. It was more the idea of what I wanted. Make sense foe me to say that.

Artsy, sorry you have it too. Hope you feel better.

[paul19510]

I listened to some music tonight from a band I like, shinedown. That was relaxing. Its raining and I like the sound of the rain on the roof. D16 Came home and fell while taking her shower. She hit her head and has a small shiner on her cheek. Nights like this make me feel my sitch more. Its bothers me thst W is so distant from the kids and me too.

I re read her txt from last week after she got served. Something bothered me wbout it. In it she sounds truly startled thst I actually filed. I really don't get it. Why did she think i would just keep going like this...?

[melissag]

I think sometimes when I was stressed or worried I had someone to tslk to. Although not so much foe the past couple of years at least. So...she didn't really add anyrhing thst I miss today. It was more the idea of what I wanted. Make sense foe me to say that.

I'm right there with you, Paul. My H wasn't really there for me when I needed him, but at least it was another adult in the house - it seemed better than nothing. I also think that the things I miss about H are mainly things that didn't really exist anyway. Sad to think about, but maybe gives me hope that this is for the best. ?

"re read her txt from last week after she got served. Something bothered me about it. In it she sounds truly startled thst I actually filed. I really don't get it. Why did she think i would just keep going like this...?"

Because you have been going like this for years, right?

Regardless, don't torture yourself trying to figure her out. She is lost right now and nothing she does is going to make sense to you. Keep focusing on Paul.

[paul19510]

M thanks. Just what I needed. Its also possible thst her angry texts were bc I didn't do what she wanted. I've always knuckled under to the pressure when I wsnted to keep the peace. That's what got me here. There's only one set of things to consider. Keep me and my kids on a healthy path forward.

My one wise friend actually wanted to whack me with a 2x4 for even letting my brain think thst W was acting mad because she wants to stay together and I didn't understand that. She's msd because I said I'm not playing the game anymorr. I will tske my ball and leave the playground now. I'm getting there. Thsnks for you support.

W is also treating my D13 as her BFF. Its causing hurt to her. I can see it. Thsts something I would like her to get counseling to work through.

[paul19510]

journal: I had a great time with D13 at her year end banquet for Hockey. I really enjoyed the dinner and the presentations. I really enjoyed spending time with her. she likes to play her music and sing along in the car. She's a great kid when we just let her be 13.

I took D16 to get her license today. She passed! that was a fun adventure as the closest available test center for us within the next few weeks was over 100 miles from home. Ugh lol. We got it done and I am proud of her.

Hockey with S12 tomorrow. he's looking forward. I enjoyed at night out with a recent "friend" for the second time. She's very nice and I am enjoying visiting with her. We enjoy talking and we seem to have many of the same interests and ideas about things. that just feels nice.

its almost time for bed. I'm tired. over 300 miles of driving for my girls today and another 80 tomorrow for S12. I do love being a dad.

[paul19510]

Been listening to music before I fall asleep the last fee nights. One of the bands I like is Shinedown. There is a song I heard the other night thst caught my attention. Fly from the inside. After looking at the refrsin I see why...

I am focused on what I am after
The key to the next open chapter
Cause I found a way to steal the sun from the sky
Long live that day that I decided to fly from the inside...

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Paul,

Excellent job on staying connected with your children. The kids are what are the most important thing for you right now. My wife tried to separate mine from me and it has taken a year to correct. I just spent a day with my 17 year old looking at prom dresses. Stay focused on your kids, they will see through everything else.

[paul19510]

Thanks LT. I will. W is almost completely focused on her horses and life surrounding that stuff. It was the final straw over the past couple of years. I am uust doing what I feel is healthy.