Don't know if im on the edge anymore or not....

[labug]

I was thinking about things a little more last night and one of the other things I learned during this is that while the affair wasn't a dealbreaker for me, the conscious decision to continue it (or the inability to 'control her urges') was a dealbreaker. What I mean by this is that I was really unwilling to let the affair fade out. I wanted her to make a decision to be with me and have the courage and conviction to stick it out. I was not willing to let her play the field and then come back after that didn't work out. That's my conviction and what I believed I deserved and what I felt was right

We all have our dealbreakers and sometimes it might take a while to figure that our. I think for me an OW would have been a dealbreaker. At the least it would have caused me to go no contact much sooner.

I think you've clarified it beautifully and will have that as standard/boundary going forward.

I really feel like the future has limitless possibilities for the first time in a long time

YES!

I have stopped thinking about what I could have done differently since BD. Sure, I could have been more patient, I could have had less R talks, I could have focused less on the OM. Overall, I am very happy with my effort. I took a close look at how I acted in the marriage, I took accountability/apologized for behaviors, identified things to work on and applied myself to them. I am not the man only a fool would leave just yet but I am a lot closer than I was before.

Just be the best you you can be. It sounds like you're getting there.